Out of Choices - Chapter 40
Title: Out Of Choices
Chapter 40: Jeopardy (Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.1, 19.2, 20, 21, 22.1, 22.2, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33.1, 33.2, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)
Author:JCAddict/picklewinkle/Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count:8,923
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: Bella is devastated by the loss of her mother and is forced to go live with Charlie, her Mom's best friend when there is no one else to take her in. She gives up on living, too lost in her own anger to let anyone close to her. Enter Edward, the handsome teenage vampire, and the beginning of a complicated love-hate relationship. Neither can deny the connection between them, but can their love survive the fear that rules her and the secret he hides from her? AU, OOC, Rated Mature for language and lemons. Also available at Twilighted.net
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. I'm just manipulating them like imaginary playdoh so I feel like I have some power over them **snorts**
40. Jeopardy
A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.
I got an email on Monday night telling me that this story was nominated for an Immortal Cookie Award in the best angst (M) category. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to Suzann who nominated me. I’m very excited and honoured. I’ve never been nominated for anything before.
Today, I officially passed 250,000 hits between ff(dot)net and Twilighted(dot)net. I'm so very proud of this story. I owe a thanks to all of you for helping to make it a success.
A reminder about the music that goes with this story, for anyone who is interested. I haven't had a chance to update it with the latest songs yet, but still, it's there if you're looking for some good tunes.
As always, thank you to the readers and especially to the reviewers. It means a lot to me to hear from you guys.
Reviews and PMs are all replied too. We have lift off.
From Edward’s POV…
I used all of my energy to stay focused on hope, to keep the whispers of doubt out of my head and to keep the pain of the heartache my body was trying to force me to face at bay. I’d given in to my dubiety at first, allowing myself to wallow in Bella’s rejection, but the tiny flame of faith that flickered inside of me refused to be snuffed out. She loved me. She would find some way to look past my nature. She just needed time; that’s what Charlie had said. I held on tightly to his words as proof of my troth.
Time was something I had plenty of; patience I was short on. It seemed like such a waste to spend a single minute apart from her. I would do as I told Charlie and give Bella some space to sort out her thoughts, but I wouldn’t last long. As the morning wore on, my anxiety and restlessness grew. Why did time always seem to move more slowly when waiting was the object of the hour?
When my family returned to the house, their thoughts created a clamour in my head. It seemed I was the subject on everyone’s mind. Carlisle was wondering why I wasn’t with Bella, thinking of how she was feeling. Esme had taken on my gloominess as her own, worried about the sudden turn in my humour. Alice was considering coming to speak to me, even though Jasper had advised her against it. He was feeling guilty for taking me out of town needlessly, bearing much of the blame for what happened with Bella. I would have to go speak to him, or at least tell Alice what he was thinking. None of this was his fault. Emmett was the only one who wasn’t thinking of me. His mind was centred on Rosalie’s irritation. He was too laid back to comprehend why she was carrying on. His uncomplicated outlook on life had allowed him to see what the prior night was truly about - a simple mistake, a case of wrong place at the wrong time.
Rosalie was angry with me. She felt no guilt or compunction for the happenings in the forest. She was angrier that a human knew our secret than with any of her own actions last night. I wondered if she ever saw beyond her own narcissistic bubble. She had no thought of how Bella might be doing, no remorse for scaring her or considering attacking her. The only thing she felt when it came to Bella was hatred. There was no scrutiny over how she might have destroyed me, or Charlie, or the trouble she would have caused our family. It would have been a justified kill in Rosalie’s eyes.
To Rosalie, Bella’s death was the best of both worlds. She would rid herself of the one girl who appealed to me, and the one girl who now knew our secret. Rosalie did not ever care for me in a romantic or sexual way, but she could not stand that I did not feel that way about her. Moreover, she could not stand that I cared that way for Bella, a less than average human to her. A large part of Rosalie would have been happy to kill Bella.
As repugnant and horrifying as Rosalie’s actions had been to me, I understood them. During a hunt, we govern with our senses, and rule by instinct. Her reaction, her feint and even the consideration of attack, were all natural responses for our kind. In reality, I owed Rosalie for not attacking. Had my brothers run across Bella during a hunt, there was a strong likelihood that Bella would have been killed. I shuddered to think what I might have done in Rosalie’s shoes.
As my mind listened to the voices of my family, I noticed that Balen’s mind was unusually quiet. It occurred to me that he might be protecting his thoughts; although I could think of no motivation for it, beyond knowing I might be listening. I decided to go downstairs to investigate my hypothesis. When I entered the living room, I found Balen was indeed sitting on the couch, flipping absent-mindedly through a magazine. I could hear nothing from his direction and he did not raise his head to look at me when I entered the room. Alice’s eyes flashed to mine instantly and I held her gaze long enough for her to take heed. I casually wandered into the kitchen and then out in to the back yard, finally stopping at the river’s edge, where I knew the water would block our whispers. Alice joined me a few minutes later, after making a polite apology about needing to check on me. No one seemed to inveigh her departure.
“What is it, Edward?” Alice whispered, worry creasing her brow.
“I was wondering if you are able to find Balen? I can’t hear his mind.”
I watched as Alice’s eyes closed and she searched the future. When her eyes opened, the pucker in her brow deepened.
“I can’t,” she murmured. “Why would he be hiding?”
“I’m not sure, but we should find out. He’s in our home. We had enough turmoil in our household last night. Perhaps you could sit down next to him, close enough to brush against him? It might be enough to break his concentration.”
I followed Alice back to the house, but stayed outside. I could see Balen easily from my vantage point, without appearing obvious or obtrusive, and I focused my concentration in his direction, listening intently. Alice was very suave as she plunked down on the couch beside Balen, but he must have sensed her coming. His mind was clear of all thoughts but what he saw on the page in front of him. Alice smiled at him and asked if he was enjoying his trip. I couldn’t tell if Balen suspected we were on to him. If he did, he hid it well.
Alice stayed beside Balen but a little, wandering back into the kitchen to check with me. I rolled my eyes towards the opposite end of the house and mouthed ‘Rose’ to her. I would need everyone’s help to pull off my plan.
I don’t know how Alice got Rosalie to agree exactly, because I heard nothing from her. Rosalie’s assent was reluctant but given, and she followed Alice back into the kitchen.
I stepped into the kitchen and set my plan into action, letting loose.
“I suppose you’re proud of yourself,” I hollered, turning a scathing glare on an unsuspecting Rosalie. Her mind exploded with anger and insults, attacking me, and Bella, and even Alice.
“Only you would be smug in this situation,” Rosalie accused.
“This situation? You mean you almost killing Bella?”
Bella’s name caught Balen’s attention and his mind opened wide for a moment. Bella was on Balen’s mind? Why?
“It would have made this entire situation easier,” Rosalie seethed.
My eyes shot to Alice. She was deep in concentration. I knew she’d need more time to search Balen’s future. I used the snare he provided me.
“I thought I made it clear that no one is to touch Bella.” I over enunciated her name for Balen’s benefit. “If anyone is going to kill her, it will be me.”
Rosalie’s face contorted in confusion.
“What are you talking about?” Rosalie’s words were calm compared to the torrent of opinion and insult that flooded her mind. ‘Lunatic. Yell at me for nothing and then admit your desire for her blood. Foolish, ignorant, fledgling.’
“You heard me,” I warned. “If Bella’s blood spills, it will be for my purpose, not yours, Rosalie.”
Bella’s name got through again. I could hear Balen’s thoughts clearly now, and Bella was in the forefront of his mind. He was curious about my desire for her blood, and the idea of her spilt blood appealed to him. Rage ignited inside me, but I continued with my vituperation as Rosalie stared at me in shock.
“She’s mine,” I snarled. “You, of all people, could never appreciate the delicacy and divine succulence of her blood with your indiscriminate and immature palette.”
Balen’s thoughts flowed freely. He was wondering why I hadn’t just killed Bella if her blood appealed to me so strongly.
“You have officially lost it. It’s bad enough that you’re in love with a human. Now you’re going to risk our safety so you can have a snack, you pathetic, ill-controlled barbarian.”
Rosalie’s anger held Balen’s interest. He was curious about the depth of my feelings for Bella, and how Bella felt about me. I could use last night’s situation to my advantage again. My eyes darted to Alice. Her fingers gripped the countertop firmly, deep in meditation.
“I wasn’t the one in the forest last night, considering if I had room to dine on Bella.” I felt horrible for my ad hominem attack on Rosalie, but I had to keep her angry and talking. “And since you’ve made any kind of relationship with Bella impossible, I may as well enjoy her the only way I’m able to now.”
Emmett stepped forward to defend Rosalie.
“Edward, what happened last night was an accident. Rosalie isn’t to blame.”
“Of course you’d defend her, Emmett. You won’t be able to bed her for a month unless you do. You know as well as I do that Rosalie stepped over the line last night.”
Emmett’s face went blank with shock and I stared at him with hard cold eyes, willing him to continue. Again, I checked Alice. She was still entranced, searching the future with questions.
“You’re certifiable, Edward,” Rosalie announced.
“No more than you,” I countered.
Esme came into the kitchen, visibly upset. She never liked to hear us argue.
“That will be quite enough out of both of you,” Esme directed.
Balen’s mind went quiet and my eyes flew to Alice. She was staring back at me with horror.
“I know you don’t like to hear us disagree, Esme, but Rosalie had this coming.”
I flashed an apologetic glance at Esme and stalked outside. I heard Alice apologize for my behaviour, citing the stress of the last twenty-four hours as my excuse, and offer to come talk me down. I was uneasy waiting for her to join me by the river.
“You have to get Balen out of here, Edward,” she whispered. She showed me the images in her mind - Balen outside of Bella’s house and then sniffing around inside of her room.
“Is he planning to attack her?”
“I couldn’t get a read on that,” Alice admitted, “but why take the chance with Bella’s safety?”
“I agree. I didn’t mean it that way. I heard his mind. The idea of Bella’s blood being spilled appealed to him.”
Alice shivered, her eyes growing wide as my words registered.
“If he pokes around her room, her scent will only entice him. Every article and surface in that room is layered with her essence. It’s not a huge step to determine his next move, given his nature.”
“So what do we do?” Alice wondered nervously.
“Go tell Jasper that he and I will drive Balen home. Make the excuse that Jasper feels he owes me for getting my mate in trouble.”
“Balen has no mate. Do you think he will understand the depth of the bond?”
“He’s spent enough time with you and Jasper that he should, but even if he doesn’t, he’ll be hundreds of miles away. Bella will be nothing but a distant memory for him as long as we get him out of here before he catches her scent. There will be plenty of other mouth-watering choices for him to dine on back in Canada.”
“Do you have a back up plan if this fails?” Alice wondered.
“You don’t want to know what my back up plan is, Alice. I don’t think I have to tell you how far I’d go to protect Bella.”
“I’ll go to Jasper now.”
I watched Alice walk away, feeling remarkably calm. Perhaps it was just the notion of being able to do something to help Bella while she wouldn’t let me near her, or maybe it was the ability to defend the one I loved. I only knew I had a purpose now. Since Bella didn’t want to see me at the moment, I had time to dissipate. Why not use it in a positive way?
An hour later, the car was packed and we were ready to leave. Balen took the news of his departure good-naturedly. He found our family odd, and our lifestyle peculiar. He didn’t understand the connections between us, beyond the bonds of lovers. Few vampires did. Our affinities had been developed over tens of years and were impossible to discern in a short period of time.
In the mean time, I’d had a chance to search Rosalie’s mind for images of Bella from last night. I saw Bella’s face; saw how her eyes darted everywhere - to Rosalie, to the dead animal, to the ground around Rosalie, seeking more information as they always did. I had no doubt that she had seen enough to put the pieces together now. It made me feel more helpless. I wished that she wouldn’t try to figure this out on her own. It’s not as if I could defend myself, but I still felt compelled to, and to at least try to answer her questions, if she had any.
I searched Emmett’s mind too. I don’t believe that Rosalie was ever seriously close to attacking Bella, but it was Emmett that got her out of the forest and off of Bella’s trail.
Ironically enough, Emmett was the reason Rosalie was caught. They had been light-heartedly fooling around while they searched out prey, playing hide-and-go-seek in the woods. Rosalie assumed it was Emmett trying to sneak up on her and she wanted to brag about the buck she’d taken down. The wind had been blowing in the wrong direction, taking Bella’s scent the opposite way. Between the wind direction and Rosalie’s preoccupation with her buck, it was too late to hide when Bella found her. She was mortified that she’d been caught; embarrassed that it was a human that tripped her up, and in particular, humiliated that it was Bella. Her feint was a brief moment of indecision, as she considered whether she should take Bella’s life or engage her in conversation. In a strange way, Rosalie had paid me as much respect as she could in the situation. She could have stepped in and blurted the truth, frightening Bella even further than her actions already had. I would have to straighten everything out with Rosalie when I returned.
Balen said his goodbyes heartily. He seemed as anxious to get away as I was to get him out of Forks. It made me less nervous to make my next request.
“I just need to stop and check on Bella on my way out of town,” I mentioned casually, once we were all settled into the car. Jasper had no objections; nor did Balen. If, by some miracle, Bella wanted to speak to me, then Jasper could take Balen home on his own.
Once I was at Bella’s front door, I knocked softly, just in case she had gone back to sleep.
Charlie answered the door. His expression was disconcerted.
“How’s Bella?” I asked. I knew he didn’t want to waste time making small talk with me.
“I’m not sure. She was in her bedroom for a while, but then she locked herself in the bathroom. I haven’t seen hide nor hair of her since. I didn’t even hear the bath pour or the shower run. How much time can a teenage girl spend in a bathroom?”
He didn’t expect me to answer him, but his words made me concerned. It wasn’t like Bella to spend endless amounts of time in the bathroom. A long bath was something she did to relax, but since Charlie didn’t hear the water run, I had no clue what she might be doing in there except thinking. I sighed in frustration, again wishing for a chance to explain and answer her questions. I was sure she was thinking the worst. I heard movement from inside of Bella’s room. She must have moved from the bathroom without Charlie’s notice. I heard the door open, but she didn’t come out, although it could have just as easily been the wind moving the door as Bella.
Charlie decided not to call Jacob and I tried to politely inform him that Jacob might well be Bella’s choice for a boyfriend now. Even though it felt good to hear him deny the possibility, I tried to prepare myself for it. I’d hurt Bella, and I had no right to expect her forgiveness. Charlie was still sure that Bella would come around, and if I was lucky, he knew her mind well enough to predict her behaviour. I had never been good at figuring out how she would take something, and I didn’t want to wager a bet, just in case it might tip the scales against me. I explained the impromptu trip with Balen and Jasper, omitting the true reason for our quick exit. More than anything, I tried to convey to Charlie how much Bella meant to me, and how far I was willing to go to win her back. I hoped it would ease his worry a small amount. He asked me what I wanted him to tell Bella if she asked about me, but my initial answer about leaving town and having my cell phone didn’t appease him. He was searching out my depth of feeling for her.
“Tell her I love her, and that I’m sorry,” I answered honestly. I wondered why he was curious. Was it simply Charlie watching out for Bella, or did he have a purpose?
“Does she know you love her, son?” Charlie asked. I didn’t understand what he meant by his question at first, but then caught the tenor of his thoughts. He wanted to know if I’d told Bella that I loved her. He had already determined that I felt that way about her, but he was seeking confirmation of his assumption. Moreover, he felt Bella might be listening and he wanted her to hear it from my lips.
“She does,” I certified, “but she may have forgotten.” I wanted Charlie to know we had an uphill battle in front of us.
“I’ll make sure she doesn’t forget again,” Charlie assured me.
It was nice to have him as an ally. He understood Bella’s mind better than anyone else. I hoped that could somehow work to my advantage. I thanked him and asked him to watch out for her in my absence.
I allowed myself one glance towards her room as I got into the car. I wanted so badly to see her watching me from the window, but she was not there. I pulled away with my trust in Charlie, leaving my heart behind.
Ten minutes later I felt my phone vibrate. I pulled it from my pocket, feeling anxious, and recognized the phone number immediately. The call was from Charlie’s cell phone. At the same moment, I heard Jasper’s phone ring and I stiffened.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Edward?”
“Bella,” I gasped, surprised but unrelieved. I strained to hear Jasper’s quiet voice on the phone.
“Please don’t leave,” she begged, her voice urgent and upset. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper nod in agreement and felt a calm wash over me.
“If you don’t want me to leave, I’ll stay,” I assured her, wanting to say more but not wanting to alert Balen.
I felt Jasper’s hand on my wrist and my eyes went to his. He was too calm; his composure was almost eerie.
“Edward, pull over,” he commanded in a quiet but authoritative tone. “That was Alice. She wants you to stop.”
“I need to talk to you before you go,” Bella insisted. “If you still want to go after that then I’ll understand.”
Her voice was almost frantic, conveying a desperation that did not match her words. My mind was disquiet, flooded with an overwhelming sense of foreboding.
“Bella, please pull over. Tell me where you are and I’ll come to you,” I urged, doing my best to keep my tone even as I pulled over to the side of the road, as Jasper had demanded.
“Edward, I…” Her voice abruptly dissolved into silence.
“I’m pulling over right now. I just need to know where you are,” I assured her, holding my breath while I waited for her reply.
She did not answer me.
I heard tires skid and brakes squeal, and a hideous agglomeration of scraping, rasping and screeching, metal against metal. I vaguely heard Jasper speaking to me, and Balen question something, but my ears were fixed and concentrating on the earpiece of the phone, waiting for the only sound that would re-centre me. She did not speak or cry, or respond in any way. I couldn’t find my voice to ask her to; too afraid that she would not answer me. I closed my eyes and focused further, searching out the sound. Finally, I heard it, Bella’s breathing, low and laboured, but she was still alive.
“Where is she, Jasper?” I asked. My voice sounded hollow and muffled.
“About a mile and a half back on the US-101.”
“Call 911, and then go home and get Emmett. He will drive Balen home with you.” With those instructions, I was gone from behind the wheel, running at full tilt towards Bella. I did not care if anyone saw me. I did not care if I should have been more careful. The only thing that mattered was saving her.
By the time Bella’s truck came into my line of sight, I had surpassed panic and was moving through hysteria. Fear had completely taken over my mind. The tiny flame of faith that refused to be extinguished by my doubts was smothered in an instant by the cruel hands of fate. As if making her blood the sweetest smelling to me wasn’t twisted enough, as if making me fall in love with her wasn’t the most perverted convolution, now I would pay the price for the evil that lived inside of me - by losing the only thing that had ever mattered to me.
From a distance, the truck did not look badly damaged. It wasn’t until I was within yards of it that I realized the majority of the damage was on the opposite side, on the driver’s side…Bella’s side. Reminding myself that her truck was built like a tank did not ease my fear. The truck might be better than an armoured Hummer, but Bella was not. She was delicate. She was breakable. She was human.
The truck was flipped over, not quite lying on its roof, in the drainage ditch that ran parallel to the road. I dropped flat to the ground, peering into the truck to find Bella and survey the damage. Her eyes were closed, but thankfully, there were no visible contusions or lacerations on her face.
“Bella?” I called.
She didn’t move or respond. I shoved my arm through the broken glass of the window and touched her hand.
“Bella, I need you to open your eyes for me,” I directed her.
Her eyelids fluttered but never opened fully.
“Bella, open your eyes. I need to speak to you,” I commanded. There wasn’t enough room for me to reach her better, so I patted her hand with mine, trying to lightly rouse her.
Her eyelids fluttered again, but this time her beautiful brown eyes opened and looked at me. She smiled a lazy smile in recognition, almost as if I’d woken her from a nap, sleepy and not fully coherent.
“Edward,” she whispered, smiling wider.
“Bella, we need to get you out of there. Does it hurt anywhere? Did you hit your head?”
“Doesn’t hurt…much.” Her voice was uneven and strained, her face contorting into a wince on her last word. “I didn’t hit my head…not like skiing.” A tiny snort left her lips, a reaction to her joke.
“Can you move?”
“My leg is pinned,” she informed me.
“Can you grip the steering wheel?”
I watched as her tiny hands curled around the plastic and tensed in an effort to hold it tightly. It would not keep her completely still, as I would have liked, but it would be enough to brace her. That was all I needed.
“Hold tight,” I instructed.
I got to my feet and wrenched the mangled door opened, doing my best to brace the frame of the truck with my body. The truck shook in protest but the door succumbed to my strength. Bella watched with smiling eyes. She was not afraid or even shocked.
“I knew you’d been hiding your strength,” she told me proudly.
I crawled towards her, my eyes locked on hers.
“You did, did you?” I asked her softly.
I was afraid to touch her, fearful of making her injuries worse, but I knew I needed to get her out of the truck. I could smell gas, and the scent was stronger than I was comfortable with. The fuel lines must have been damaged in the crash. I didn’t think it was anything too severe, as the smell was faint, but I didn’t want to take any risks.
“Like the Hulk,” she whispered.
“Not quite so glamorous,” I murmured, “Or good…more like Batman.”
“Superhero?” she questioned.
“No,” I admitted shamefully. “Vampire.”
Her eyes widened for a moment and then she smiled, a smile so big it reached the corners of her eyes.
“Supernatural,” she whispered, “That explains a lot.”
“What does it explain?” I wondered. I could only imagine how far her mind had taken it.
“Edward?” Her eyes burned with intensity.
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I murmured, reaching out for her hand. Her eyelids slipped closed.
“Bella?”
“Bella?”
I threaded my arms around her waist, unbuckling her seat belt and awkwardly tugging her body towards mine. I could not budge her, not without injuring her further; her left leg was wedged under the steering column. I cursed in frustration. Time was of the essence. I could hear the sirens in the distance, and while they might be able to get her out with the Jaws of Life, I could do it much more simply, as long as there were no observers.
I shifted away from her, out of the truck cab and around to the other side of the truck, where the damage was more extensive. I jammed my hands into the window of the doorframe and persuaded the bend out of it. With more room to work, I forced the frame of the truck back into the shape it was intended to be in. Somewhere in the middle of my efforts, Bella’s eyes had opened again and she watched me intently, as if she was waiting for me to say something to her.
“Show-off,” she murmured, chuckling. It sent her into a fit of coughing and I picked up mild gurgling sounds in the resonance that reverberated from her chest. While medically it could mean many things, I knew what it likely meant, and I had to get her medical attention as soon as possible.
“Try and relax,” I soothed. “I’ll have you out in a moment.”
I bent into the cab, coercing and bending the steering column to the right and away from Bella’s leg.
“I knew you never liked my truck,” she teased. I don’t think she knew how hollow her voice sounded, far away and fading.
“It’s nothing against your truck,” I assured her. “I just like you a little bit more. Can you move your leg?”
“A little.”
“Can you shift it to the left?”
I watched her strain and work to move her leg, wincing again. I grunted hard and shoved the steering column with all my strength. The metal groaned in protest, yielding and bowing enough for me to move Bella’s leg out from under it. I quickly but carefully maneuvered her leg out and pulled Bella to me.
“I didn’t like that sound,” she whispered, nuzzling her head into my neck. “And I’m cold.”
I hesitated for a moment, worried that she shouldn’t be against my cold skin if she was cold, but keeping her relaxed was much more important. I could feel her forehead against my neck. For Bella it was very cool and clammy, another sign that she needed medical attention. I gathered her in my arms and gently pulled her out of the truck. She was restless and uncomfortable, shifting in my arms frequently.
“I’ve got you,” I promised. “You’re going to be fine. I can hear the ambulance coming. It will be here in less than two minutes.”
Her pulse was weak and too fast, just like it had been last night. Her breathing continued to be laboured, shallow and quick. I picked up her hand and held it, subtly studying it. The skin of her fingers was mottled, indicating insufficient perfusion. I checked her nail beds, pressing my thumb against a nail until it went white and watching the rate her capillaries refilled the colour. It took double the time it should have, confirming my fears. There was a high likelihood that Bella had internal bleeding and that her cardiac output was not able to keep up given the blood loss from her system. She was such a tiny girl. She couldn’t tolerate any great blood loss, not like a larger person anyway. She seemed to be growing paler by the second.
“Super-hearing too?”
“Better than the average human…and most other animals.” I tried to smile to make her feel better but it felt like the most disrespectful thing when I knew she was in pain.
“Is there anything you don’t do better than me?” she murmured rhetorically.
“I don’t forgive as easily as you…I’m not…as good as you.”
“Yeah, I’m a regular Mother Teresa,” she snickered, coughing again.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, “sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, sorry I hurt you…sorry for what I am.”
“I was stupid, Edward…too many bad habits…too afraid of being hurt.”
“Bella, you should save your strength. We can talk about this later.”
“Now,” she rasped, “just in case.”
I nodded and she continued.
“Now, it would hurt more to lose you.” She paused. I wasn’t sure if she was gathering her thoughts or having trouble staying focused. “All I want…is to love you…our love…more powerful…doesn’t matter if I’m broken…doesn’t matter if.” She swallowed hard, wincing again. “Doesn’t matter what either of us is.”
I could tell she was fading again, struggling to stay conscious.
“You stay with me, Bella,” I urged. “Fight for us.”
“Shit,” she mumbled.
“What is it?”
“I think I wrecked your shirt.”
I laughed lightly, smiling, and bent forward to kiss her forehead.
“I have an endless supply. We’ll get you another,” I assured her.
She smiled lazily, as if she was half asleep, and her eyelids closed.
“I’m right here, Bella, and I’m not going anywhere. I can see the ambulance now. They’ll be here in moments.”
“Hold on for me,” she murmured, and then slipped into unconsciousness. It was probably better for her, so she would be forced to reserve her strength.
I watched the last of the colour drain from her face, perspiration beading on her forehead and upper lip, as the ambulance pulled up. A familiar face stepped out of the passenger side door, Brett Warner, a registered nurse at the hospital. We knew each other well. The driver was a younger man I didn’t recognize; probably weekend staff.
“Edward, are you okay?” Brett hollered, opening the back of the ambulance and pulling out the gurney and equipment case.
“I’m fine, Brett. I wasn’t in the truck. I was on the phone with Bella when the accident occurred.” Brett was skeptical. He doubted my version of events and was looking for further details. “I was travelling with my brother about a mile and a half up the highway. They dropped me off and then went for help.”
“Let’s take a look at her,” Brett mumbled.
I laid her gently onto the gurney.
“How long has she been out?”
“Less than a minute. She’s been struggling to stay conscious.” I didn’t want to do his job but I wanted Bella to get the care she needed immediately. “She was restless and complained she was cold. She’s been tachycardiac; shallow rapid breaths, poor profusion in her hands. The sweating started two minutes ago or so. The capillary refill in her nail beds took twice as long as it should have.”
Brett listened intently to me as he worked on Bella, starting first with giving her oxygen. He checked her respiration and pulse, telling his partner to start an IV. In the meanwhile, Brett checked Bella’s blood pressure. When he began listening to her chest with his stethoscope, I spoke up again.
“I heard some gurgling in her lungs when she coughed, although she didn’t bring up any blood.” I wanted to add that I was fairly certain she had internal bleeding but I didn’t want to distract Brett from his job.
“You did great, Edward. If she pulls through, she’ll owe it to you.” He turned to his partner, “Let’s move her.”
I stood frozen, stunned. If Bella pulled through? She had to make it. There was no other alternative.
“Edward, come on,” Brett urged, rousing me from my stupor.
I climbed into the back of the ambulance, following Brett, and his partner closed the doors behind us. Brett checked Bella’s IV and took her pulse and respiration rates again, and then affixed an automatic blood pressure cuff to her arm to monitor her blood pressure.
“Are her stats stable?” I asked.
“They are stable,” Brett confirmed, “but they aren’t strong. She’s got a narrow pulse pressure.” He looked up at me, considering whether or not I understood him, but decided to explain further regardless. “Her diastolic blood pressure is too high. Her body is working overtime trying to pump her blood. It generally indicates bleeding…internal injuries.”
“So they will operate to stop the bleeding, and transfuse her to increase her blood volume?” I asked knowingly.
“Yes,” he agreed. “She’s a small woman. Based on her symptoms I’m estimating fifteen to thirty percent blood loss at this point. If the surgeons can keep her stable, they’ll take her directly into the operating room. After that, the fight is all up to Bella.”
I picked up Bella’s hand and tried to stay out of Brett’s way. I listened as he called ahead to the hospital, purposely requesting my father, although I suspected Carlisle would already be waiting at the doors of the ER for us, even without the invitation. My eyes flickered to the blood pressure monitor’s display as it beeped, checking for a decrease in her systolic pressure - the marker that would show she was worsening still, passing into the next stage of hypovolaemic shock. There was no change. She was holding her own. We were pulling into the lot of the hospital.
As soon as the ambulance doors were opened, I jumped out of the back to make room for the doctors. Carlisle’s eyes followed me. He was worried about me; worried about how I might take it if Bella did not make it. I blinked at him and nodded my head towards Bella. I didn’t want him to worry about me; I wanted Bella to have his full attention. She deserved the best; he was the best.
I followed behind the gurney as they wheeled her in, as far as I was allowed to go. Beyond the ‘hospital staff only’ signs, I listened to the minds of every doctor and nurse around her, hearing them bark orders and authorize tests. One doctor looked over the stats sheet while another listened to Brett’s assessment, and a third ordered blood gases to be drawn and a CT scan to be performed. My favourite ER nurse, Phoebe Adams, was present. I heard Carlisle tell her Bella’s name, and explain who she was to me. Phoebe immediately picked up the pace of her efforts, all the more determined to do right by Bella.
Carlisle checked Bella’s abdomen for bleeding using an ultrasound wand. The doctors around him pulled no punches with her diagnosis, sure of the internal bleeding without evidence, ready to open Bella up without checking first. I knew Carlisle had control of the room, but their attitudes made me uncomfortable. I waited impatiently for Carlisle to look up to the monitor, and when he did I saw the bleed just as Carlisle did. He asked them to prep her for surgery. He gave Bella’s hand a gentle squeeze before leaving to book an operating room.
I used my cell phone to call Charlie, explaining the little bit I did know - that there had been an accident, that Bella had internal bleeding and they needed to operate. I asked him to come as soon as possible, but not before handing over the phone to Carlisle so Charlie could give verbal consent for the surgery.
“Are you okay?” Carlisle asked, when he finished on the phone with Charlie. He was worried about me, and feeling helpless, although not as helpless as I was feeling.
“Please save her,” I whispered. They were the only words that I could speak to him, as my emotions got the better of me.
“I’ll do my best, son. We all will. She’s a healthy girl. Once we get the bleeds under control, we’ll know more. Hang in there.” He patted my back and left.
I found Phoebe’s mind. She was glued to Bella’s side. By nature she was a caring individual, but she was almost maternal in her feelings for Bella, because she knew how much Bella meant to me. We’d spent a great deal of time chatting over the months; I had a soft spot in my heart for her, imaging that my own mother had been much like her. Phoebe held Bella’s hand and made sure she was treated properly, part protective lioness, part mother hen.
Bella looked so pale and fragile that it broke my heart. I watched through the minds of the OR nurses as they prepped her and did their instrument counts. I counted along with them, just to relieve the stress, just so I didn’t have to think about how serious the situation was. The doctors were scrubbing in as Charlie arrived.
“Bella Swan?” he asked at the desk.
I got to my feet and waved him over. He made excuses to the desk nurse and rushed to where I was.
“How is she?” Charlie asked. I didn’t have to read his mind; his worry was written all over his face. He looked dreadful; his mind was chaotic and dismal.
“They’re just beginning her surgery now,” I explained. “She’s stable, and that’s good. They wouldn’t be able to operate if she wasn’t.”
“I can’t lose her, Edward.”
I understood his fear. The look in his eyes reminded me very much of Bella, and my old speculation on the relationship between Renee and Charlie resurfaced.
“I know Charlie. I feel the same way.”
“How did this happen?” he asked. It was a rhetorical question. He was lost in his own thoughts.
“I’m not sure. She lost control of the truck somehow. No other vehicles were involved.”
“How did you get here so fast?”
“I was on the phone with her. I heard the accident happen, so I rushed to help her.”
“Damn cell phones,” he muttered, looking for something to blame in his frustration.
He dropped back into the chair behind him, holding his head in his hands. I followed suit, sitting down beside him, wishing I had something to ease his worry, or that he had something to ease mine. I monitored the minds of everyone who surrounded Bella, concentrating on those who were following procedure. I did my best to steer clear of Carlisle’s mind. I didn’t think seeing Bella’s blood directly as he cut into her or fixed the internal bleeds was the wisest choice. The surgery seemed to be moving along without complications. Bella remained stable.
We sat in uncomfortable silence for a long time. I fidgeted and paced and worked myself into a dither, the waiting making me feel as if I might go mad. Charlie sat stiller than I’d ever seen a human sit before, almost as still as a vampire. His mind went over and over details of the day. He was remorseful for not offering to drive Bella, and for so readily giving her his cell phone, wishing he’d given her a warning to drive carefully. I felt bad for him. It wasn’t his fault at all.
I was responsible for the accident to a degree. I could have tried harder to make Bella see me. I could have driven the speed limit so she wouldn’t have felt the need to chase me. I could have told Bella the truth long before she had to find out on her own. There were so many things I could have done differently, but hadn’t, and I would always regret them. I tried to banish the thoughts from my mind. Bella wouldn’t want me to dwell or blame myself. Still, it was hard not to, knowing she was in the operating room fighting for her life when there were things I could have done to stop it.
Normally, Carlisle would have had one of the other doctors close, but because it was Bella, he did it himself. I could hear the impatience in the minds of the two doctors who assisted him, one chomping at the bit for some face time on the surgery, dissatisfied with being sidelined as an observer. I went back to Phoebe’s mind. She was still with Bella, standing by Bella’s head, and she was checking the monitors for Bella’s stats. Phoebe was satisfied with the outcome of Bella’s surgery, and generally positive about her prognosis. I tried to take comfort from her accord.
Carlisle changed into clean scrubs and came out to find Charlie and me.
“Charlie, this is my father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen,” I introduced. “He operated on Bella. Carlisle, this is Bella’s guardian, Charlie Hayes.”
“How is Bella?” Charlie blurted. He was never one for small talk.
“She came through the surgery well. We found several tears in her abdominal aorta, which we repaired. She lost a lot of blood, and replacing her blood volume is critical right now. She’ll be in recovery until she comes to, and then we’ll move her to a room. Did you have any questions?”
“Can I see her?” Charlie wondered.
“As soon as she’s out of recovery, which won’t take very long,” Carlisle assured him. “I’ll have someone come and get you.”
“Thanks,” Charlie muttered, turning his back on Carlisle and wandering to the far end of the room. He was irritated that he couldn’t get to Bella immediately, and trying to control his emotions.
“There’s no chance he could get to her sooner?” I wondered. “He hasn’t seen her since she left home. It would do him a lot of good if he could just hold her hand.”
“I’ll see what I can do, son.”
“Thanks, Carlisle, for Charlie, and for me. I know you took extra care with her.”
“Nothing I wouldn’t have done for anyone,” he offered self-effacingly.
“Will she be okay?”
“She came through the surgery like a real trooper, Edward. I don’t expect any complications, but of course we’ll watch her carefully.”
“Does she need more blood?” I wondered.
Carlisle was confused by my question, unsure why I would ask about her blood, so I explained my thoughts more fully.
“I suspect the link between Charlie and Bella goes deeper than what each believes - to a biological level. If a match would help Bella’s prognosis, then I would be happy to suggest it to Charlie.”
“Bella’s suffered significant blood loss, and her blood type is relatively rare, B positive. A match might give her a slight boost over the O negative she’s received in terms of recovery, leaving her body more energy to heal with less to assimilate.”
“I’ll talk to him then. Would you mind rushing his blood work?”
“Not at all.”
I walked over to where Charlie stood. His mind was still a mess, drowning in guilt and blame.
“Charlie, I need to speak to you about something.”
“What?”
“It’s something personal,” I advised him.
He nodded and I continued.
“Your relationship with Bella’s mother…were the two of you ever a couple?”
“We dated back in high school, if that’s what you mean.” He was confused by my line of questioning and didn’t understand what it had to do with Bella.
“Is it possible that Bella is your biological daughter?” I questioned bluntly.
His mind went blank for a moment, and then he ushered in the excuses. They were too numerous to have been new. Charlie had spent time wondering about this very topic.
“No…I mean…Renee would have told me.” He was sure Bella’s mother was honest with him.
“I didn’t mean to imply that Mrs. Swan lied to you. Maybe she didn’t know the truth?”
“Well, I mean…I never…what I’m saying is,” he sputtered. His mind considered this new possibility and then something clicked for him. Things started to fall into place, details that never made sense that were finally understandable in a new light.
“Why are you asking, Edward?”
“Bella’s going to need blood. You could donate if you’re a match.”
“Even if I am a match, that doesn’t mean we’re biologically related.”
“I know,” I agreed. “But I thought you could be tested at the same time.”
“What made you think of this?”
“The look in your eyes when you came in. I’ve seen that same look in Bella’s eyes. You’ve got a better sense of Bella than she does of herself sometimes. There are so many little similarities; your temperaments - your senses of humour, your quiet dispositions, your shared love of maledictions.”
“Mal-e-whats?”
“Maledictions…cursing.” I smiled at him. “I can see how much you love her, like she was your own flesh and blood. I know you feel helpless right now. I thought this might be a way to make you feel purposeful. Not to mention, Bella needs her family at a time like this.”
Charlie had already made his mind up, but he was considering how Bella might take this. At first he was worried it would make her angry, but then he cast the thought away.
“I’ll do it, Edward. What do I need to do?”
“I’ll have my father paged. He’ll walk you through it.”
After Carlisle took Charlie, I snuck in to see Bella. Phoebe was with her again; she and Bella were alone in the recovery room. I knew she wouldn’t stop me from seeing Bella.
“You’re taking a big chance sneaking in here, young man,” Phoebe rebuked, without turning around to see who was opening the door.
I smirked. She knew me even better than I’d given her credit for.
“Well, get in here,” she encouraged. “You’ve got maybe five minutes before Dr. Young comes back to check on her.” She finished recording something on Bella’s chart and turned to look at me. There was nothing but tenderness and mercy in her eyes.
I wasted no time rushing to Bella’s side. Bella looked worse than pale; her skin was sallow and almost transparent. There were wires attached to her chest to monitor her heart and the gown she wore was loosely draped over her. I could see the bandages across her stomach that covered the incision from where they’d opened her abdomen for surgery. Her left leg still bore its cast but I could see new swelling and bruising from the accident on her foot and toes. She looked like she’d been through the ringer.
She looked close to death.
I opened my mouth to speak but Phoebe interrupted.
“The hepatic artery was damaged so her liver wasn’t processing properly - that’s why her colour is off. She was banged up pretty good, Edward, but she’s a fighter.”
“She is,” I murmured in agreement. “Thank you for staying with her, Phoebe.”
“My pleasure, Hun. I’ll give you two a minute and then you’ve got to skedaddle.”
“You have my word,” I promised.
I waited for Phoebe to leave, and then picked up Bella’s hand carefully. Her temperature was better, but still far from normal. I bent to kiss her fingers gently, and then softly placed her hand back on the mattress; it wasn’t enough. The only thing keeping me together was the pull I felt from Bella. As much as I wanted to give in to my fear and emotion, I couldn’t. She needed me to be strong, and I would use her strength as the provenance of mine. I moved closer to her head, and pushed her hair back off of her face, caressing her cheek as well as I could around her oxygen tube.
“I’m here,” I whispered, hoping with everything I had in me that she could hear me. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I can’t stay long in recovery; I had to sneak in to see you, but I wanted you to know that I’ll be around the hospital, waiting for you, and when they put you in your room, I won’t leave your side.”
I knew I was being self-indulgent but I wanted her to feel my love. I wanted her to know I loved her even if she couldn’t tell me back or give me her love. I wanted her to know that I needed her to come back to me. I kissed her lips tenderly, pressing against them at first, and then persuading them between my own, imitating what she would have done if she’d been able to respond.
“I love you,” I murmured. “I’ll be back as soon as they move you into a room.”
I slipped away into the shadows of the corridor alcove. Dr. Young on his way; I heard his mind reviewing details about Bella’s case. The last thing I needed was to be caught breaking hospital policies and be prohibited from seeing Bella when she needed me. He would check her over, and anything he missed, Carlisle would pick up. I headed back to the waiting room to see if Charlie was finished with his blood work. He wasn’t, so I sat down to wait for him.
A few moments later I heard Alice’s approach. She was worried about Bella, and worried about upsetting me by showing up. I saw her second goodbye with Jasper in her mind. He wanted to stay behind to support Alice and me until Bella was better, but Alice knew that Balen’s departure was more important. Emmett had agreed to go with Jasper, so it was a quick up and back trip for them. At least no harm would come to Bella from Balen’s direction.
“How is she?” Alice asked softly. I looked up at her eyes, sad and worried.
“She’s stable. They stopped the bleeding and Carlisle said they didn’t foresee any complications.”
“And you?”
“Me?”
“How are you?” Her voice was quiet but overflowing with all the concern her thoughts held.
“I don’t even know,” I mumbled. I didn’t really want to think about myself. Bella was the only thing I wanted to focus on.
“You don’t look so good,” she observed.
I shrugged. I hadn’t given it much thought.
“When is the last time you fed?”
“I don’t know,” I told her offhandedly.
“It might make you feel stronger?”
I felt badly for speaking to her so brusquely. She was only worried about my well-being.
“I’m not the one who needs strength; Bella does.”
“You need to keep up your strength for Bella.”
“I know,” I murmured guiltily.
“She’ll be fine.”
“Have you seen something?” I asked anxiously.
Alice flashed me a picture of Charlie sitting at Bella’s side talking to her. The image made me smile. It had to mean my hunch about her connection to Charlie was right. I made a mental note to explain my theory to Alice.
“I have something else for you,” Alice whispered.
“What?” I wondered. “Is there something else? Something you’ve been hiding from me?”
“I’m not hiding anything from you, except this.”
She pulled a letter out and handed it to me.
“It’s from Bella. It’s something I saw Friday night; when Bella sat in her truck and wrote this. She didn’t tell me to give it to you, but I know she wrote it to you, just before she went to the clearing.”
“How did you get it?”
“I went to her truck to find it. I think she’d want you to have it.”
I glanced down at the folded paper. It looked awkward in my hands, and I wasn’t at all sure that Bella would want me to see it, but now that it was in my possession, I was sure that I couldn’t stop myself from reading it. I unfolded the paper, and began to read.
A/N: Please review!
Chapter 40: Jeopardy (Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.1, 19.2, 20, 21, 22.1, 22.2, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33.1, 33.2, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)
Author:JCAddict/picklewinkle/Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count:8,923
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: Bella is devastated by the loss of her mother and is forced to go live with Charlie, her Mom's best friend when there is no one else to take her in. She gives up on living, too lost in her own anger to let anyone close to her. Enter Edward, the handsome teenage vampire, and the beginning of a complicated love-hate relationship. Neither can deny the connection between them, but can their love survive the fear that rules her and the secret he hides from her? AU, OOC, Rated Mature for language and lemons. Also available at Twilighted.net
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. I'm just manipulating them like imaginary playdoh so I feel like I have some power over them **snorts**
40. Jeopardy
A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.
I got an email on Monday night telling me that this story was nominated for an Immortal Cookie Award in the best angst (M) category. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to Suzann who nominated me. I’m very excited and honoured. I’ve never been nominated for anything before.
Today, I officially passed 250,000 hits between ff(dot)net and Twilighted(dot)net. I'm so very proud of this story. I owe a thanks to all of you for helping to make it a success.
A reminder about the music that goes with this story, for anyone who is interested. I haven't had a chance to update it with the latest songs yet, but still, it's there if you're looking for some good tunes.
As always, thank you to the readers and especially to the reviewers. It means a lot to me to hear from you guys.
Reviews and PMs are all replied too. We have lift off.
From Edward’s POV…
I used all of my energy to stay focused on hope, to keep the whispers of doubt out of my head and to keep the pain of the heartache my body was trying to force me to face at bay. I’d given in to my dubiety at first, allowing myself to wallow in Bella’s rejection, but the tiny flame of faith that flickered inside of me refused to be snuffed out. She loved me. She would find some way to look past my nature. She just needed time; that’s what Charlie had said. I held on tightly to his words as proof of my troth.
Time was something I had plenty of; patience I was short on. It seemed like such a waste to spend a single minute apart from her. I would do as I told Charlie and give Bella some space to sort out her thoughts, but I wouldn’t last long. As the morning wore on, my anxiety and restlessness grew. Why did time always seem to move more slowly when waiting was the object of the hour?
When my family returned to the house, their thoughts created a clamour in my head. It seemed I was the subject on everyone’s mind. Carlisle was wondering why I wasn’t with Bella, thinking of how she was feeling. Esme had taken on my gloominess as her own, worried about the sudden turn in my humour. Alice was considering coming to speak to me, even though Jasper had advised her against it. He was feeling guilty for taking me out of town needlessly, bearing much of the blame for what happened with Bella. I would have to go speak to him, or at least tell Alice what he was thinking. None of this was his fault. Emmett was the only one who wasn’t thinking of me. His mind was centred on Rosalie’s irritation. He was too laid back to comprehend why she was carrying on. His uncomplicated outlook on life had allowed him to see what the prior night was truly about - a simple mistake, a case of wrong place at the wrong time.
Rosalie was angry with me. She felt no guilt or compunction for the happenings in the forest. She was angrier that a human knew our secret than with any of her own actions last night. I wondered if she ever saw beyond her own narcissistic bubble. She had no thought of how Bella might be doing, no remorse for scaring her or considering attacking her. The only thing she felt when it came to Bella was hatred. There was no scrutiny over how she might have destroyed me, or Charlie, or the trouble she would have caused our family. It would have been a justified kill in Rosalie’s eyes.
To Rosalie, Bella’s death was the best of both worlds. She would rid herself of the one girl who appealed to me, and the one girl who now knew our secret. Rosalie did not ever care for me in a romantic or sexual way, but she could not stand that I did not feel that way about her. Moreover, she could not stand that I cared that way for Bella, a less than average human to her. A large part of Rosalie would have been happy to kill Bella.
As repugnant and horrifying as Rosalie’s actions had been to me, I understood them. During a hunt, we govern with our senses, and rule by instinct. Her reaction, her feint and even the consideration of attack, were all natural responses for our kind. In reality, I owed Rosalie for not attacking. Had my brothers run across Bella during a hunt, there was a strong likelihood that Bella would have been killed. I shuddered to think what I might have done in Rosalie’s shoes.
As my mind listened to the voices of my family, I noticed that Balen’s mind was unusually quiet. It occurred to me that he might be protecting his thoughts; although I could think of no motivation for it, beyond knowing I might be listening. I decided to go downstairs to investigate my hypothesis. When I entered the living room, I found Balen was indeed sitting on the couch, flipping absent-mindedly through a magazine. I could hear nothing from his direction and he did not raise his head to look at me when I entered the room. Alice’s eyes flashed to mine instantly and I held her gaze long enough for her to take heed. I casually wandered into the kitchen and then out in to the back yard, finally stopping at the river’s edge, where I knew the water would block our whispers. Alice joined me a few minutes later, after making a polite apology about needing to check on me. No one seemed to inveigh her departure.
“What is it, Edward?” Alice whispered, worry creasing her brow.
“I was wondering if you are able to find Balen? I can’t hear his mind.”
I watched as Alice’s eyes closed and she searched the future. When her eyes opened, the pucker in her brow deepened.
“I can’t,” she murmured. “Why would he be hiding?”
“I’m not sure, but we should find out. He’s in our home. We had enough turmoil in our household last night. Perhaps you could sit down next to him, close enough to brush against him? It might be enough to break his concentration.”
I followed Alice back to the house, but stayed outside. I could see Balen easily from my vantage point, without appearing obvious or obtrusive, and I focused my concentration in his direction, listening intently. Alice was very suave as she plunked down on the couch beside Balen, but he must have sensed her coming. His mind was clear of all thoughts but what he saw on the page in front of him. Alice smiled at him and asked if he was enjoying his trip. I couldn’t tell if Balen suspected we were on to him. If he did, he hid it well.
Alice stayed beside Balen but a little, wandering back into the kitchen to check with me. I rolled my eyes towards the opposite end of the house and mouthed ‘Rose’ to her. I would need everyone’s help to pull off my plan.
I don’t know how Alice got Rosalie to agree exactly, because I heard nothing from her. Rosalie’s assent was reluctant but given, and she followed Alice back into the kitchen.
I stepped into the kitchen and set my plan into action, letting loose.
“I suppose you’re proud of yourself,” I hollered, turning a scathing glare on an unsuspecting Rosalie. Her mind exploded with anger and insults, attacking me, and Bella, and even Alice.
“Only you would be smug in this situation,” Rosalie accused.
“This situation? You mean you almost killing Bella?”
Bella’s name caught Balen’s attention and his mind opened wide for a moment. Bella was on Balen’s mind? Why?
“It would have made this entire situation easier,” Rosalie seethed.
My eyes shot to Alice. She was deep in concentration. I knew she’d need more time to search Balen’s future. I used the snare he provided me.
“I thought I made it clear that no one is to touch Bella.” I over enunciated her name for Balen’s benefit. “If anyone is going to kill her, it will be me.”
Rosalie’s face contorted in confusion.
“What are you talking about?” Rosalie’s words were calm compared to the torrent of opinion and insult that flooded her mind. ‘Lunatic. Yell at me for nothing and then admit your desire for her blood. Foolish, ignorant, fledgling.’
“You heard me,” I warned. “If Bella’s blood spills, it will be for my purpose, not yours, Rosalie.”
Bella’s name got through again. I could hear Balen’s thoughts clearly now, and Bella was in the forefront of his mind. He was curious about my desire for her blood, and the idea of her spilt blood appealed to him. Rage ignited inside me, but I continued with my vituperation as Rosalie stared at me in shock.
“She’s mine,” I snarled. “You, of all people, could never appreciate the delicacy and divine succulence of her blood with your indiscriminate and immature palette.”
Balen’s thoughts flowed freely. He was wondering why I hadn’t just killed Bella if her blood appealed to me so strongly.
“You have officially lost it. It’s bad enough that you’re in love with a human. Now you’re going to risk our safety so you can have a snack, you pathetic, ill-controlled barbarian.”
Rosalie’s anger held Balen’s interest. He was curious about the depth of my feelings for Bella, and how Bella felt about me. I could use last night’s situation to my advantage again. My eyes darted to Alice. Her fingers gripped the countertop firmly, deep in meditation.
“I wasn’t the one in the forest last night, considering if I had room to dine on Bella.” I felt horrible for my ad hominem attack on Rosalie, but I had to keep her angry and talking. “And since you’ve made any kind of relationship with Bella impossible, I may as well enjoy her the only way I’m able to now.”
Emmett stepped forward to defend Rosalie.
“Edward, what happened last night was an accident. Rosalie isn’t to blame.”
“Of course you’d defend her, Emmett. You won’t be able to bed her for a month unless you do. You know as well as I do that Rosalie stepped over the line last night.”
Emmett’s face went blank with shock and I stared at him with hard cold eyes, willing him to continue. Again, I checked Alice. She was still entranced, searching the future with questions.
“You’re certifiable, Edward,” Rosalie announced.
“No more than you,” I countered.
Esme came into the kitchen, visibly upset. She never liked to hear us argue.
“That will be quite enough out of both of you,” Esme directed.
Balen’s mind went quiet and my eyes flew to Alice. She was staring back at me with horror.
“I know you don’t like to hear us disagree, Esme, but Rosalie had this coming.”
I flashed an apologetic glance at Esme and stalked outside. I heard Alice apologize for my behaviour, citing the stress of the last twenty-four hours as my excuse, and offer to come talk me down. I was uneasy waiting for her to join me by the river.
“You have to get Balen out of here, Edward,” she whispered. She showed me the images in her mind - Balen outside of Bella’s house and then sniffing around inside of her room.
“Is he planning to attack her?”
“I couldn’t get a read on that,” Alice admitted, “but why take the chance with Bella’s safety?”
“I agree. I didn’t mean it that way. I heard his mind. The idea of Bella’s blood being spilled appealed to him.”
Alice shivered, her eyes growing wide as my words registered.
“If he pokes around her room, her scent will only entice him. Every article and surface in that room is layered with her essence. It’s not a huge step to determine his next move, given his nature.”
“So what do we do?” Alice wondered nervously.
“Go tell Jasper that he and I will drive Balen home. Make the excuse that Jasper feels he owes me for getting my mate in trouble.”
“Balen has no mate. Do you think he will understand the depth of the bond?”
“He’s spent enough time with you and Jasper that he should, but even if he doesn’t, he’ll be hundreds of miles away. Bella will be nothing but a distant memory for him as long as we get him out of here before he catches her scent. There will be plenty of other mouth-watering choices for him to dine on back in Canada.”
“Do you have a back up plan if this fails?” Alice wondered.
“You don’t want to know what my back up plan is, Alice. I don’t think I have to tell you how far I’d go to protect Bella.”
“I’ll go to Jasper now.”
I watched Alice walk away, feeling remarkably calm. Perhaps it was just the notion of being able to do something to help Bella while she wouldn’t let me near her, or maybe it was the ability to defend the one I loved. I only knew I had a purpose now. Since Bella didn’t want to see me at the moment, I had time to dissipate. Why not use it in a positive way?
An hour later, the car was packed and we were ready to leave. Balen took the news of his departure good-naturedly. He found our family odd, and our lifestyle peculiar. He didn’t understand the connections between us, beyond the bonds of lovers. Few vampires did. Our affinities had been developed over tens of years and were impossible to discern in a short period of time.
In the mean time, I’d had a chance to search Rosalie’s mind for images of Bella from last night. I saw Bella’s face; saw how her eyes darted everywhere - to Rosalie, to the dead animal, to the ground around Rosalie, seeking more information as they always did. I had no doubt that she had seen enough to put the pieces together now. It made me feel more helpless. I wished that she wouldn’t try to figure this out on her own. It’s not as if I could defend myself, but I still felt compelled to, and to at least try to answer her questions, if she had any.
I searched Emmett’s mind too. I don’t believe that Rosalie was ever seriously close to attacking Bella, but it was Emmett that got her out of the forest and off of Bella’s trail.
Ironically enough, Emmett was the reason Rosalie was caught. They had been light-heartedly fooling around while they searched out prey, playing hide-and-go-seek in the woods. Rosalie assumed it was Emmett trying to sneak up on her and she wanted to brag about the buck she’d taken down. The wind had been blowing in the wrong direction, taking Bella’s scent the opposite way. Between the wind direction and Rosalie’s preoccupation with her buck, it was too late to hide when Bella found her. She was mortified that she’d been caught; embarrassed that it was a human that tripped her up, and in particular, humiliated that it was Bella. Her feint was a brief moment of indecision, as she considered whether she should take Bella’s life or engage her in conversation. In a strange way, Rosalie had paid me as much respect as she could in the situation. She could have stepped in and blurted the truth, frightening Bella even further than her actions already had. I would have to straighten everything out with Rosalie when I returned.
Balen said his goodbyes heartily. He seemed as anxious to get away as I was to get him out of Forks. It made me less nervous to make my next request.
“I just need to stop and check on Bella on my way out of town,” I mentioned casually, once we were all settled into the car. Jasper had no objections; nor did Balen. If, by some miracle, Bella wanted to speak to me, then Jasper could take Balen home on his own.
Once I was at Bella’s front door, I knocked softly, just in case she had gone back to sleep.
Charlie answered the door. His expression was disconcerted.
“How’s Bella?” I asked. I knew he didn’t want to waste time making small talk with me.
“I’m not sure. She was in her bedroom for a while, but then she locked herself in the bathroom. I haven’t seen hide nor hair of her since. I didn’t even hear the bath pour or the shower run. How much time can a teenage girl spend in a bathroom?”
He didn’t expect me to answer him, but his words made me concerned. It wasn’t like Bella to spend endless amounts of time in the bathroom. A long bath was something she did to relax, but since Charlie didn’t hear the water run, I had no clue what she might be doing in there except thinking. I sighed in frustration, again wishing for a chance to explain and answer her questions. I was sure she was thinking the worst. I heard movement from inside of Bella’s room. She must have moved from the bathroom without Charlie’s notice. I heard the door open, but she didn’t come out, although it could have just as easily been the wind moving the door as Bella.
Charlie decided not to call Jacob and I tried to politely inform him that Jacob might well be Bella’s choice for a boyfriend now. Even though it felt good to hear him deny the possibility, I tried to prepare myself for it. I’d hurt Bella, and I had no right to expect her forgiveness. Charlie was still sure that Bella would come around, and if I was lucky, he knew her mind well enough to predict her behaviour. I had never been good at figuring out how she would take something, and I didn’t want to wager a bet, just in case it might tip the scales against me. I explained the impromptu trip with Balen and Jasper, omitting the true reason for our quick exit. More than anything, I tried to convey to Charlie how much Bella meant to me, and how far I was willing to go to win her back. I hoped it would ease his worry a small amount. He asked me what I wanted him to tell Bella if she asked about me, but my initial answer about leaving town and having my cell phone didn’t appease him. He was searching out my depth of feeling for her.
“Tell her I love her, and that I’m sorry,” I answered honestly. I wondered why he was curious. Was it simply Charlie watching out for Bella, or did he have a purpose?
“Does she know you love her, son?” Charlie asked. I didn’t understand what he meant by his question at first, but then caught the tenor of his thoughts. He wanted to know if I’d told Bella that I loved her. He had already determined that I felt that way about her, but he was seeking confirmation of his assumption. Moreover, he felt Bella might be listening and he wanted her to hear it from my lips.
“She does,” I certified, “but she may have forgotten.” I wanted Charlie to know we had an uphill battle in front of us.
“I’ll make sure she doesn’t forget again,” Charlie assured me.
It was nice to have him as an ally. He understood Bella’s mind better than anyone else. I hoped that could somehow work to my advantage. I thanked him and asked him to watch out for her in my absence.
I allowed myself one glance towards her room as I got into the car. I wanted so badly to see her watching me from the window, but she was not there. I pulled away with my trust in Charlie, leaving my heart behind.
Ten minutes later I felt my phone vibrate. I pulled it from my pocket, feeling anxious, and recognized the phone number immediately. The call was from Charlie’s cell phone. At the same moment, I heard Jasper’s phone ring and I stiffened.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Edward?”
“Bella,” I gasped, surprised but unrelieved. I strained to hear Jasper’s quiet voice on the phone.
“Please don’t leave,” she begged, her voice urgent and upset. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper nod in agreement and felt a calm wash over me.
“If you don’t want me to leave, I’ll stay,” I assured her, wanting to say more but not wanting to alert Balen.
I felt Jasper’s hand on my wrist and my eyes went to his. He was too calm; his composure was almost eerie.
“Edward, pull over,” he commanded in a quiet but authoritative tone. “That was Alice. She wants you to stop.”
“I need to talk to you before you go,” Bella insisted. “If you still want to go after that then I’ll understand.”
Her voice was almost frantic, conveying a desperation that did not match her words. My mind was disquiet, flooded with an overwhelming sense of foreboding.
“Bella, please pull over. Tell me where you are and I’ll come to you,” I urged, doing my best to keep my tone even as I pulled over to the side of the road, as Jasper had demanded.
“Edward, I…” Her voice abruptly dissolved into silence.
“I’m pulling over right now. I just need to know where you are,” I assured her, holding my breath while I waited for her reply.
She did not answer me.
I heard tires skid and brakes squeal, and a hideous agglomeration of scraping, rasping and screeching, metal against metal. I vaguely heard Jasper speaking to me, and Balen question something, but my ears were fixed and concentrating on the earpiece of the phone, waiting for the only sound that would re-centre me. She did not speak or cry, or respond in any way. I couldn’t find my voice to ask her to; too afraid that she would not answer me. I closed my eyes and focused further, searching out the sound. Finally, I heard it, Bella’s breathing, low and laboured, but she was still alive.
“Where is she, Jasper?” I asked. My voice sounded hollow and muffled.
“About a mile and a half back on the US-101.”
“Call 911, and then go home and get Emmett. He will drive Balen home with you.” With those instructions, I was gone from behind the wheel, running at full tilt towards Bella. I did not care if anyone saw me. I did not care if I should have been more careful. The only thing that mattered was saving her.
By the time Bella’s truck came into my line of sight, I had surpassed panic and was moving through hysteria. Fear had completely taken over my mind. The tiny flame of faith that refused to be extinguished by my doubts was smothered in an instant by the cruel hands of fate. As if making her blood the sweetest smelling to me wasn’t twisted enough, as if making me fall in love with her wasn’t the most perverted convolution, now I would pay the price for the evil that lived inside of me - by losing the only thing that had ever mattered to me.
From a distance, the truck did not look badly damaged. It wasn’t until I was within yards of it that I realized the majority of the damage was on the opposite side, on the driver’s side…Bella’s side. Reminding myself that her truck was built like a tank did not ease my fear. The truck might be better than an armoured Hummer, but Bella was not. She was delicate. She was breakable. She was human.
The truck was flipped over, not quite lying on its roof, in the drainage ditch that ran parallel to the road. I dropped flat to the ground, peering into the truck to find Bella and survey the damage. Her eyes were closed, but thankfully, there were no visible contusions or lacerations on her face.
“Bella?” I called.
She didn’t move or respond. I shoved my arm through the broken glass of the window and touched her hand.
“Bella, I need you to open your eyes for me,” I directed her.
Her eyelids fluttered but never opened fully.
“Bella, open your eyes. I need to speak to you,” I commanded. There wasn’t enough room for me to reach her better, so I patted her hand with mine, trying to lightly rouse her.
Her eyelids fluttered again, but this time her beautiful brown eyes opened and looked at me. She smiled a lazy smile in recognition, almost as if I’d woken her from a nap, sleepy and not fully coherent.
“Edward,” she whispered, smiling wider.
“Bella, we need to get you out of there. Does it hurt anywhere? Did you hit your head?”
“Doesn’t hurt…much.” Her voice was uneven and strained, her face contorting into a wince on her last word. “I didn’t hit my head…not like skiing.” A tiny snort left her lips, a reaction to her joke.
“Can you move?”
“My leg is pinned,” she informed me.
“Can you grip the steering wheel?”
I watched as her tiny hands curled around the plastic and tensed in an effort to hold it tightly. It would not keep her completely still, as I would have liked, but it would be enough to brace her. That was all I needed.
“Hold tight,” I instructed.
I got to my feet and wrenched the mangled door opened, doing my best to brace the frame of the truck with my body. The truck shook in protest but the door succumbed to my strength. Bella watched with smiling eyes. She was not afraid or even shocked.
“I knew you’d been hiding your strength,” she told me proudly.
I crawled towards her, my eyes locked on hers.
“You did, did you?” I asked her softly.
I was afraid to touch her, fearful of making her injuries worse, but I knew I needed to get her out of the truck. I could smell gas, and the scent was stronger than I was comfortable with. The fuel lines must have been damaged in the crash. I didn’t think it was anything too severe, as the smell was faint, but I didn’t want to take any risks.
“Like the Hulk,” she whispered.
“Not quite so glamorous,” I murmured, “Or good…more like Batman.”
“Superhero?” she questioned.
“No,” I admitted shamefully. “Vampire.”
Her eyes widened for a moment and then she smiled, a smile so big it reached the corners of her eyes.
“Supernatural,” she whispered, “That explains a lot.”
“What does it explain?” I wondered. I could only imagine how far her mind had taken it.
“Edward?” Her eyes burned with intensity.
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I murmured, reaching out for her hand. Her eyelids slipped closed.
“Bella?”
“Bella?”
I threaded my arms around her waist, unbuckling her seat belt and awkwardly tugging her body towards mine. I could not budge her, not without injuring her further; her left leg was wedged under the steering column. I cursed in frustration. Time was of the essence. I could hear the sirens in the distance, and while they might be able to get her out with the Jaws of Life, I could do it much more simply, as long as there were no observers.
I shifted away from her, out of the truck cab and around to the other side of the truck, where the damage was more extensive. I jammed my hands into the window of the doorframe and persuaded the bend out of it. With more room to work, I forced the frame of the truck back into the shape it was intended to be in. Somewhere in the middle of my efforts, Bella’s eyes had opened again and she watched me intently, as if she was waiting for me to say something to her.
“Show-off,” she murmured, chuckling. It sent her into a fit of coughing and I picked up mild gurgling sounds in the resonance that reverberated from her chest. While medically it could mean many things, I knew what it likely meant, and I had to get her medical attention as soon as possible.
“Try and relax,” I soothed. “I’ll have you out in a moment.”
I bent into the cab, coercing and bending the steering column to the right and away from Bella’s leg.
“I knew you never liked my truck,” she teased. I don’t think she knew how hollow her voice sounded, far away and fading.
“It’s nothing against your truck,” I assured her. “I just like you a little bit more. Can you move your leg?”
“A little.”
“Can you shift it to the left?”
I watched her strain and work to move her leg, wincing again. I grunted hard and shoved the steering column with all my strength. The metal groaned in protest, yielding and bowing enough for me to move Bella’s leg out from under it. I quickly but carefully maneuvered her leg out and pulled Bella to me.
“I didn’t like that sound,” she whispered, nuzzling her head into my neck. “And I’m cold.”
I hesitated for a moment, worried that she shouldn’t be against my cold skin if she was cold, but keeping her relaxed was much more important. I could feel her forehead against my neck. For Bella it was very cool and clammy, another sign that she needed medical attention. I gathered her in my arms and gently pulled her out of the truck. She was restless and uncomfortable, shifting in my arms frequently.
“I’ve got you,” I promised. “You’re going to be fine. I can hear the ambulance coming. It will be here in less than two minutes.”
Her pulse was weak and too fast, just like it had been last night. Her breathing continued to be laboured, shallow and quick. I picked up her hand and held it, subtly studying it. The skin of her fingers was mottled, indicating insufficient perfusion. I checked her nail beds, pressing my thumb against a nail until it went white and watching the rate her capillaries refilled the colour. It took double the time it should have, confirming my fears. There was a high likelihood that Bella had internal bleeding and that her cardiac output was not able to keep up given the blood loss from her system. She was such a tiny girl. She couldn’t tolerate any great blood loss, not like a larger person anyway. She seemed to be growing paler by the second.
“Super-hearing too?”
“Better than the average human…and most other animals.” I tried to smile to make her feel better but it felt like the most disrespectful thing when I knew she was in pain.
“Is there anything you don’t do better than me?” she murmured rhetorically.
“I don’t forgive as easily as you…I’m not…as good as you.”
“Yeah, I’m a regular Mother Teresa,” she snickered, coughing again.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, “sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, sorry I hurt you…sorry for what I am.”
“I was stupid, Edward…too many bad habits…too afraid of being hurt.”
“Bella, you should save your strength. We can talk about this later.”
“Now,” she rasped, “just in case.”
I nodded and she continued.
“Now, it would hurt more to lose you.” She paused. I wasn’t sure if she was gathering her thoughts or having trouble staying focused. “All I want…is to love you…our love…more powerful…doesn’t matter if I’m broken…doesn’t matter if.” She swallowed hard, wincing again. “Doesn’t matter what either of us is.”
I could tell she was fading again, struggling to stay conscious.
“You stay with me, Bella,” I urged. “Fight for us.”
“Shit,” she mumbled.
“What is it?”
“I think I wrecked your shirt.”
I laughed lightly, smiling, and bent forward to kiss her forehead.
“I have an endless supply. We’ll get you another,” I assured her.
She smiled lazily, as if she was half asleep, and her eyelids closed.
“I’m right here, Bella, and I’m not going anywhere. I can see the ambulance now. They’ll be here in moments.”
“Hold on for me,” she murmured, and then slipped into unconsciousness. It was probably better for her, so she would be forced to reserve her strength.
I watched the last of the colour drain from her face, perspiration beading on her forehead and upper lip, as the ambulance pulled up. A familiar face stepped out of the passenger side door, Brett Warner, a registered nurse at the hospital. We knew each other well. The driver was a younger man I didn’t recognize; probably weekend staff.
“Edward, are you okay?” Brett hollered, opening the back of the ambulance and pulling out the gurney and equipment case.
“I’m fine, Brett. I wasn’t in the truck. I was on the phone with Bella when the accident occurred.” Brett was skeptical. He doubted my version of events and was looking for further details. “I was travelling with my brother about a mile and a half up the highway. They dropped me off and then went for help.”
“Let’s take a look at her,” Brett mumbled.
I laid her gently onto the gurney.
“How long has she been out?”
“Less than a minute. She’s been struggling to stay conscious.” I didn’t want to do his job but I wanted Bella to get the care she needed immediately. “She was restless and complained she was cold. She’s been tachycardiac; shallow rapid breaths, poor profusion in her hands. The sweating started two minutes ago or so. The capillary refill in her nail beds took twice as long as it should have.”
Brett listened intently to me as he worked on Bella, starting first with giving her oxygen. He checked her respiration and pulse, telling his partner to start an IV. In the meanwhile, Brett checked Bella’s blood pressure. When he began listening to her chest with his stethoscope, I spoke up again.
“I heard some gurgling in her lungs when she coughed, although she didn’t bring up any blood.” I wanted to add that I was fairly certain she had internal bleeding but I didn’t want to distract Brett from his job.
“You did great, Edward. If she pulls through, she’ll owe it to you.” He turned to his partner, “Let’s move her.”
I stood frozen, stunned. If Bella pulled through? She had to make it. There was no other alternative.
“Edward, come on,” Brett urged, rousing me from my stupor.
I climbed into the back of the ambulance, following Brett, and his partner closed the doors behind us. Brett checked Bella’s IV and took her pulse and respiration rates again, and then affixed an automatic blood pressure cuff to her arm to monitor her blood pressure.
“Are her stats stable?” I asked.
“They are stable,” Brett confirmed, “but they aren’t strong. She’s got a narrow pulse pressure.” He looked up at me, considering whether or not I understood him, but decided to explain further regardless. “Her diastolic blood pressure is too high. Her body is working overtime trying to pump her blood. It generally indicates bleeding…internal injuries.”
“So they will operate to stop the bleeding, and transfuse her to increase her blood volume?” I asked knowingly.
“Yes,” he agreed. “She’s a small woman. Based on her symptoms I’m estimating fifteen to thirty percent blood loss at this point. If the surgeons can keep her stable, they’ll take her directly into the operating room. After that, the fight is all up to Bella.”
I picked up Bella’s hand and tried to stay out of Brett’s way. I listened as he called ahead to the hospital, purposely requesting my father, although I suspected Carlisle would already be waiting at the doors of the ER for us, even without the invitation. My eyes flickered to the blood pressure monitor’s display as it beeped, checking for a decrease in her systolic pressure - the marker that would show she was worsening still, passing into the next stage of hypovolaemic shock. There was no change. She was holding her own. We were pulling into the lot of the hospital.
As soon as the ambulance doors were opened, I jumped out of the back to make room for the doctors. Carlisle’s eyes followed me. He was worried about me; worried about how I might take it if Bella did not make it. I blinked at him and nodded my head towards Bella. I didn’t want him to worry about me; I wanted Bella to have his full attention. She deserved the best; he was the best.
I followed behind the gurney as they wheeled her in, as far as I was allowed to go. Beyond the ‘hospital staff only’ signs, I listened to the minds of every doctor and nurse around her, hearing them bark orders and authorize tests. One doctor looked over the stats sheet while another listened to Brett’s assessment, and a third ordered blood gases to be drawn and a CT scan to be performed. My favourite ER nurse, Phoebe Adams, was present. I heard Carlisle tell her Bella’s name, and explain who she was to me. Phoebe immediately picked up the pace of her efforts, all the more determined to do right by Bella.
Carlisle checked Bella’s abdomen for bleeding using an ultrasound wand. The doctors around him pulled no punches with her diagnosis, sure of the internal bleeding without evidence, ready to open Bella up without checking first. I knew Carlisle had control of the room, but their attitudes made me uncomfortable. I waited impatiently for Carlisle to look up to the monitor, and when he did I saw the bleed just as Carlisle did. He asked them to prep her for surgery. He gave Bella’s hand a gentle squeeze before leaving to book an operating room.
I used my cell phone to call Charlie, explaining the little bit I did know - that there had been an accident, that Bella had internal bleeding and they needed to operate. I asked him to come as soon as possible, but not before handing over the phone to Carlisle so Charlie could give verbal consent for the surgery.
“Are you okay?” Carlisle asked, when he finished on the phone with Charlie. He was worried about me, and feeling helpless, although not as helpless as I was feeling.
“Please save her,” I whispered. They were the only words that I could speak to him, as my emotions got the better of me.
“I’ll do my best, son. We all will. She’s a healthy girl. Once we get the bleeds under control, we’ll know more. Hang in there.” He patted my back and left.
I found Phoebe’s mind. She was glued to Bella’s side. By nature she was a caring individual, but she was almost maternal in her feelings for Bella, because she knew how much Bella meant to me. We’d spent a great deal of time chatting over the months; I had a soft spot in my heart for her, imaging that my own mother had been much like her. Phoebe held Bella’s hand and made sure she was treated properly, part protective lioness, part mother hen.
Bella looked so pale and fragile that it broke my heart. I watched through the minds of the OR nurses as they prepped her and did their instrument counts. I counted along with them, just to relieve the stress, just so I didn’t have to think about how serious the situation was. The doctors were scrubbing in as Charlie arrived.
“Bella Swan?” he asked at the desk.
I got to my feet and waved him over. He made excuses to the desk nurse and rushed to where I was.
“How is she?” Charlie asked. I didn’t have to read his mind; his worry was written all over his face. He looked dreadful; his mind was chaotic and dismal.
“They’re just beginning her surgery now,” I explained. “She’s stable, and that’s good. They wouldn’t be able to operate if she wasn’t.”
“I can’t lose her, Edward.”
I understood his fear. The look in his eyes reminded me very much of Bella, and my old speculation on the relationship between Renee and Charlie resurfaced.
“I know Charlie. I feel the same way.”
“How did this happen?” he asked. It was a rhetorical question. He was lost in his own thoughts.
“I’m not sure. She lost control of the truck somehow. No other vehicles were involved.”
“How did you get here so fast?”
“I was on the phone with her. I heard the accident happen, so I rushed to help her.”
“Damn cell phones,” he muttered, looking for something to blame in his frustration.
He dropped back into the chair behind him, holding his head in his hands. I followed suit, sitting down beside him, wishing I had something to ease his worry, or that he had something to ease mine. I monitored the minds of everyone who surrounded Bella, concentrating on those who were following procedure. I did my best to steer clear of Carlisle’s mind. I didn’t think seeing Bella’s blood directly as he cut into her or fixed the internal bleeds was the wisest choice. The surgery seemed to be moving along without complications. Bella remained stable.
We sat in uncomfortable silence for a long time. I fidgeted and paced and worked myself into a dither, the waiting making me feel as if I might go mad. Charlie sat stiller than I’d ever seen a human sit before, almost as still as a vampire. His mind went over and over details of the day. He was remorseful for not offering to drive Bella, and for so readily giving her his cell phone, wishing he’d given her a warning to drive carefully. I felt bad for him. It wasn’t his fault at all.
I was responsible for the accident to a degree. I could have tried harder to make Bella see me. I could have driven the speed limit so she wouldn’t have felt the need to chase me. I could have told Bella the truth long before she had to find out on her own. There were so many things I could have done differently, but hadn’t, and I would always regret them. I tried to banish the thoughts from my mind. Bella wouldn’t want me to dwell or blame myself. Still, it was hard not to, knowing she was in the operating room fighting for her life when there were things I could have done to stop it.
Normally, Carlisle would have had one of the other doctors close, but because it was Bella, he did it himself. I could hear the impatience in the minds of the two doctors who assisted him, one chomping at the bit for some face time on the surgery, dissatisfied with being sidelined as an observer. I went back to Phoebe’s mind. She was still with Bella, standing by Bella’s head, and she was checking the monitors for Bella’s stats. Phoebe was satisfied with the outcome of Bella’s surgery, and generally positive about her prognosis. I tried to take comfort from her accord.
Carlisle changed into clean scrubs and came out to find Charlie and me.
“Charlie, this is my father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen,” I introduced. “He operated on Bella. Carlisle, this is Bella’s guardian, Charlie Hayes.”
“How is Bella?” Charlie blurted. He was never one for small talk.
“She came through the surgery well. We found several tears in her abdominal aorta, which we repaired. She lost a lot of blood, and replacing her blood volume is critical right now. She’ll be in recovery until she comes to, and then we’ll move her to a room. Did you have any questions?”
“Can I see her?” Charlie wondered.
“As soon as she’s out of recovery, which won’t take very long,” Carlisle assured him. “I’ll have someone come and get you.”
“Thanks,” Charlie muttered, turning his back on Carlisle and wandering to the far end of the room. He was irritated that he couldn’t get to Bella immediately, and trying to control his emotions.
“There’s no chance he could get to her sooner?” I wondered. “He hasn’t seen her since she left home. It would do him a lot of good if he could just hold her hand.”
“I’ll see what I can do, son.”
“Thanks, Carlisle, for Charlie, and for me. I know you took extra care with her.”
“Nothing I wouldn’t have done for anyone,” he offered self-effacingly.
“Will she be okay?”
“She came through the surgery like a real trooper, Edward. I don’t expect any complications, but of course we’ll watch her carefully.”
“Does she need more blood?” I wondered.
Carlisle was confused by my question, unsure why I would ask about her blood, so I explained my thoughts more fully.
“I suspect the link between Charlie and Bella goes deeper than what each believes - to a biological level. If a match would help Bella’s prognosis, then I would be happy to suggest it to Charlie.”
“Bella’s suffered significant blood loss, and her blood type is relatively rare, B positive. A match might give her a slight boost over the O negative she’s received in terms of recovery, leaving her body more energy to heal with less to assimilate.”
“I’ll talk to him then. Would you mind rushing his blood work?”
“Not at all.”
I walked over to where Charlie stood. His mind was still a mess, drowning in guilt and blame.
“Charlie, I need to speak to you about something.”
“What?”
“It’s something personal,” I advised him.
He nodded and I continued.
“Your relationship with Bella’s mother…were the two of you ever a couple?”
“We dated back in high school, if that’s what you mean.” He was confused by my line of questioning and didn’t understand what it had to do with Bella.
“Is it possible that Bella is your biological daughter?” I questioned bluntly.
His mind went blank for a moment, and then he ushered in the excuses. They were too numerous to have been new. Charlie had spent time wondering about this very topic.
“No…I mean…Renee would have told me.” He was sure Bella’s mother was honest with him.
“I didn’t mean to imply that Mrs. Swan lied to you. Maybe she didn’t know the truth?”
“Well, I mean…I never…what I’m saying is,” he sputtered. His mind considered this new possibility and then something clicked for him. Things started to fall into place, details that never made sense that were finally understandable in a new light.
“Why are you asking, Edward?”
“Bella’s going to need blood. You could donate if you’re a match.”
“Even if I am a match, that doesn’t mean we’re biologically related.”
“I know,” I agreed. “But I thought you could be tested at the same time.”
“What made you think of this?”
“The look in your eyes when you came in. I’ve seen that same look in Bella’s eyes. You’ve got a better sense of Bella than she does of herself sometimes. There are so many little similarities; your temperaments - your senses of humour, your quiet dispositions, your shared love of maledictions.”
“Mal-e-whats?”
“Maledictions…cursing.” I smiled at him. “I can see how much you love her, like she was your own flesh and blood. I know you feel helpless right now. I thought this might be a way to make you feel purposeful. Not to mention, Bella needs her family at a time like this.”
Charlie had already made his mind up, but he was considering how Bella might take this. At first he was worried it would make her angry, but then he cast the thought away.
“I’ll do it, Edward. What do I need to do?”
“I’ll have my father paged. He’ll walk you through it.”
After Carlisle took Charlie, I snuck in to see Bella. Phoebe was with her again; she and Bella were alone in the recovery room. I knew she wouldn’t stop me from seeing Bella.
“You’re taking a big chance sneaking in here, young man,” Phoebe rebuked, without turning around to see who was opening the door.
I smirked. She knew me even better than I’d given her credit for.
“Well, get in here,” she encouraged. “You’ve got maybe five minutes before Dr. Young comes back to check on her.” She finished recording something on Bella’s chart and turned to look at me. There was nothing but tenderness and mercy in her eyes.
I wasted no time rushing to Bella’s side. Bella looked worse than pale; her skin was sallow and almost transparent. There were wires attached to her chest to monitor her heart and the gown she wore was loosely draped over her. I could see the bandages across her stomach that covered the incision from where they’d opened her abdomen for surgery. Her left leg still bore its cast but I could see new swelling and bruising from the accident on her foot and toes. She looked like she’d been through the ringer.
She looked close to death.
I opened my mouth to speak but Phoebe interrupted.
“The hepatic artery was damaged so her liver wasn’t processing properly - that’s why her colour is off. She was banged up pretty good, Edward, but she’s a fighter.”
“She is,” I murmured in agreement. “Thank you for staying with her, Phoebe.”
“My pleasure, Hun. I’ll give you two a minute and then you’ve got to skedaddle.”
“You have my word,” I promised.
I waited for Phoebe to leave, and then picked up Bella’s hand carefully. Her temperature was better, but still far from normal. I bent to kiss her fingers gently, and then softly placed her hand back on the mattress; it wasn’t enough. The only thing keeping me together was the pull I felt from Bella. As much as I wanted to give in to my fear and emotion, I couldn’t. She needed me to be strong, and I would use her strength as the provenance of mine. I moved closer to her head, and pushed her hair back off of her face, caressing her cheek as well as I could around her oxygen tube.
“I’m here,” I whispered, hoping with everything I had in me that she could hear me. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I can’t stay long in recovery; I had to sneak in to see you, but I wanted you to know that I’ll be around the hospital, waiting for you, and when they put you in your room, I won’t leave your side.”
I knew I was being self-indulgent but I wanted her to feel my love. I wanted her to know I loved her even if she couldn’t tell me back or give me her love. I wanted her to know that I needed her to come back to me. I kissed her lips tenderly, pressing against them at first, and then persuading them between my own, imitating what she would have done if she’d been able to respond.
“I love you,” I murmured. “I’ll be back as soon as they move you into a room.”
I slipped away into the shadows of the corridor alcove. Dr. Young on his way; I heard his mind reviewing details about Bella’s case. The last thing I needed was to be caught breaking hospital policies and be prohibited from seeing Bella when she needed me. He would check her over, and anything he missed, Carlisle would pick up. I headed back to the waiting room to see if Charlie was finished with his blood work. He wasn’t, so I sat down to wait for him.
A few moments later I heard Alice’s approach. She was worried about Bella, and worried about upsetting me by showing up. I saw her second goodbye with Jasper in her mind. He wanted to stay behind to support Alice and me until Bella was better, but Alice knew that Balen’s departure was more important. Emmett had agreed to go with Jasper, so it was a quick up and back trip for them. At least no harm would come to Bella from Balen’s direction.
“How is she?” Alice asked softly. I looked up at her eyes, sad and worried.
“She’s stable. They stopped the bleeding and Carlisle said they didn’t foresee any complications.”
“And you?”
“Me?”
“How are you?” Her voice was quiet but overflowing with all the concern her thoughts held.
“I don’t even know,” I mumbled. I didn’t really want to think about myself. Bella was the only thing I wanted to focus on.
“You don’t look so good,” she observed.
I shrugged. I hadn’t given it much thought.
“When is the last time you fed?”
“I don’t know,” I told her offhandedly.
“It might make you feel stronger?”
I felt badly for speaking to her so brusquely. She was only worried about my well-being.
“I’m not the one who needs strength; Bella does.”
“You need to keep up your strength for Bella.”
“I know,” I murmured guiltily.
“She’ll be fine.”
“Have you seen something?” I asked anxiously.
Alice flashed me a picture of Charlie sitting at Bella’s side talking to her. The image made me smile. It had to mean my hunch about her connection to Charlie was right. I made a mental note to explain my theory to Alice.
“I have something else for you,” Alice whispered.
“What?” I wondered. “Is there something else? Something you’ve been hiding from me?”
“I’m not hiding anything from you, except this.”
She pulled a letter out and handed it to me.
“It’s from Bella. It’s something I saw Friday night; when Bella sat in her truck and wrote this. She didn’t tell me to give it to you, but I know she wrote it to you, just before she went to the clearing.”
“How did you get it?”
“I went to her truck to find it. I think she’d want you to have it.”
I glanced down at the folded paper. It looked awkward in my hands, and I wasn’t at all sure that Bella would want me to see it, but now that it was in my possession, I was sure that I couldn’t stop myself from reading it. I unfolded the paper, and began to read.
A/N: Please review!