Forever & Ever 40
Title: Forever & Ever (Miseinen Sequel)
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7.1| Part 7.2| Part 8.1| Part 8.2| Part 9| Part 10| Part 11| Part 12| Part 13| Part 14| Part 15| Part 16| Part 17| Part 18| Part 19| Part 20| Part 21| Part 22| Part 23| Part 24| Part 25| Part 26| Part 27| Part 28| Part 29| Part 30.1| Part 30.2| Part 31| Part 32.1| Part 32.2| Part 33| Part 34| Part 35| Part 36| Part 37| Part 38| Part 39
From across the bed, D’Marcus watched him sleep. Between his body and his own, the empty space of the cotton sheet separating them felt like a small ocean and even though the sun always poured in generously into his bedroom at this hour and the yellow walls glowed and the white blankets gleamed and Kai slept peacefully, the moment carved a hollow hole into him. He dragged his eyes away from Kai’s face smothered in the soft feathered body of the pillow and stared at the ceiling unable to even conjure up thoughts or see beyond this moment and into a future that seemed vague and empty.
“You shouldn’t let me sleep too late,” Kai whispered as he slowly opened his eyes and smiled. He lifted up a heavy hand and reaching across the expanse of the cotton ocean, let it drop on D’s bare chest.
“It’s not too late.”
Kai lifted himself up and crawling toward him placed a soft kiss on his forehead. “Good morning,” he said with a dimpled smile.
“Morning.”
He looked down at him and even though D was being quiet, Kai could tell what was on his mind. Running the tips of his fingertips along the contours of his face, the high cheek bones, the prominent jaw, he asked “You are thinking about when you are going home, aren’t you?” D merely nodded. “If it’s bothering you so much, don’t.”
“You know that I can’t do that, right?”
“Why is that?”
D took a deep breath. “Kai, I have to go home. My family is there, my life is there…” He searched for the right words. Even in his native tongue, he couldn’t convey his thoughts and feelings let alone in Japanese and so he merely said with defeat “It’s hard to explain.”
“You don’t have to.” A thin sad smile arched its way across Kai’s face. He knew that he didn’t have a right to say anything about D returning back home to America. He had only known in him now for several months and their romantic relationship was barely a week old. It would be ridiculous for him to argue or make demands. Even though they felt so strongly for one another, Kai and D’Marcus, who were both family oriented men would never even consider the idea that one would stay with a new found lover instead of going back home to one’s family and lifelong friends. It was simply out of the question. “Look. If it’s meant to be, when you come back, we’ll just pick up where we left off. Okay?”
D bit his bottom lip and smiled warmly up at him. “Okay,” he nodded.
“But until then, we should just enjoy ourselves while we can,” he kissed his full bottom lip softly, feeling on the surface of his own the dampness of D’s saliva.
In response, he wrapped his arms around Kai and changing the subject for both of their sakes, asked “Are you doing band stuff today?”
“Always,” Kai giggled. “One last practice before the big final.”
“You’ll probably win,” D laughed at how sure he made it seem.
“I hope so. Are you coming?”
“Yeah. Do you not want me to?” He narrowed his eyes and observed his reaction almost playfully as if he expected him to lie.
“What’s the use? You’ve already been traumatized-”
“You mean you’re the one who has been traumatized!” D held him closer as he let out a hollow laugh.
“Maybe! But hey, we could use all the votes we can get. Lie:Death isn’t going to be easy to beat especially since they are going to have one more song than us.”
“I don’t think the fans are going to care that much. From what I can tell, they all seem really informed on everything so they all already know how young Gazette is.”
“True,” Kai smiled and pecked him on the cheek before sliding off the bed altogether. He didn’t have much time to waste. “I need to head on home before the others start showing up.”
“You’re practicing at your place?” D sat up and stretched his arms into the air revealing as the blanket fell from him, a well formed body of an athlete.
Kai distracted, blew off his question and asked somewhat aghast “How often do you work out?”
“3 to 4 days a week. Why?”
“You look like…I don’t know but it’s ridiculous,” he laughed it off. He wasn’t sure if he was jealous or turned on by him.
D slid out of bed and quickly dressed before walking over to Kai and holding him once more. “Are you coming back here when you’re done?” he asked in a whisper, his lips pressed up against Kai’s ear.
“Do you want me to?” Kai leaned into him.
“Of course I do.”
“Then, I will.”
***
Reita didn’t think he’d ever see her again. She had taken all her belongings and left to where, he didn’t know. If there was anything that still plagued him about what had happened, it was this: the fact that he’d never be able to apologize to her and tell her what she truly meant to him. She was hurt and in a pain. At least with Ruki, he could set things right and in his mind, purify them. But with Kameyo, the last time he saw her she was angry and in tears and he feared that in his memory, she would be like that forever, shaking her head at him, heartbroken and confused.
But as fate would have it-or rather as Kameyo herself would have it, this wasn’t going to be the case. Unexpectedly, she returned back to their apartment-not to stay but to say her final farewell. When she entered, he was sitting at the kitchen table reading from the newspaper. Hearing the door open, he knew that it had to be her and he looked up too startled to really feel or think anything.
“Hey,” she said meekly as she felt his eyes fall upon her.
“Kameyo.” He got up too quickly, knocking his legs on the table and shaking all of the contents. His fumble made her laugh and fortunately for them both, it eased the tension that they both were suffering.
“How ya been?”
“Good,” he smiled as he tried to hold in his laughter. He must have looked like an idiot and as he imagined how she must have seen it, he couldn’t get over how funny and awkward it was. “You?”
“Great. Um…Akira, I didn’t come back here to stay-”
“I know.”
“I came back to say goodbye, the right way.” Before she could say anymore, he rushed unexpectedly over to her and held her in a tight hug. He hadn’t held her that tight since the first time they had sex on the floor of Reita’s parent’s house surrounded by coke cans and CDs. “Easy there big boy,” she laughed and tapped his back. “Um…There’s something else I want to tell you.” Reita reluctantly let go and took a step back.
“What is it?” his voice was deep and smooth. As she heard it now, it felt as if she were hearing it for the first time.
“Um…how do I say this?” She laughed at herself and in that moment, she appeared to him extremely girlish and the sight of her smiling, made him feel warm inside. A thought crossed his mind that he was making a mistake letting her go like this. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since…you know…” In a nervous gesture, she played with her nails. She looked down at them too self-conscious to look up at Reita as she spoke. “I kept wondering you know about you and Ruki and I realized that you guys had something that you know, me and you never had. And it’s not that you two were kids and you bonded way back when but…with the band.” She took a deep breath as if she were taking in her strength through the air and she raised her eyes to his. “I got to thinking about how you have this thing with Ruki, like a shared dream and here I am. I don't have any dreams, you know? With him, you have something real-not like we didn’t . I don’t know how to explain it but it’s like your fates are linked and I don’t know if I even believe in fate but...” She raised her eyes to the ceiling. “I just…you were right what you said about me. So, basically what I want to say is I’m tired of feeling blank. I’m tired of wanting something that I can’t even quite see and I want a dream, you know? And I got to thinking that the only thing I ever wanted to be was superhero, right?” She laughed. “So, I’m going to go find that. I don’t know where I will but I know in some way, I am going to. And I just wanted to let you know.” She smiled sweetly at him as she lifted a hand to his face and ran her thumb across the smooth surface of his cheek. “Thanks, Akira. You were the first person that wanted me, the first boy that made me feel like I was woman enough and I can never thank you enough for what you’ve given me. Maybe someday we’ll meet again and things will be different. I’ll always love you and I wish you happiness and success, forever and ever. Don’t ever change, okay?” She let her hand fall away from his face.
A moment of silence followed her last word and the two of them, realizing that this could very well be the last time they ever see each other, had to fight back the tears. Suddenly, Reita threw his arms around her and kissed her deeply almost desperately. He had wanted to keep her to him. He asked her to marry him so that he could never lose sight of her, so that he could protect her and watch over her but now, she was leaving for good and even though, he had known that it was over when he had walked out that day, the reality of it all had come crashing down on him and he felt stunned and winded. Releasing her, he whispered “I love you, Kameyo.” Stepping back, he took a good look at her one last time, letting his eyes examine her face as he committed her loving expression to his memory. “You’re a good kid,” he teased charmingly and smiled despite the fact that he was crying without restraint now. He tasseled her short hair and placed a kiss on her forehead the way an older brother might.
There was nothing left Kameyo could say. “Goodbye,” She returned his smile with a sweet one of her own.
As she turned to go, Reita’s shouted out his last words to her between his tears, in a boisterous yet broken stutter “Go save the world!”
She looked over her shoulder and winked at him before shutting the door behind her.
***
Uruha was never early. When he arrived at Kai’s house to find Aoi sitting aimlessly on the sidewalk with his legs crossed and lit cigarette in his hand, watching a kid delivering what looked like local newspapers to the houses across the street.
“Why are you out here?” he asked him. His heart raced inside of his chest. Another moment alone with him. He still wasn’t used to this new life of theirs. Separation. Distance. That’s what Aoi said that they both needed. Was he really obsessed him? What did that even mean? Maybe he was but he didn’t care. With the sight of him sitting on the bleached sidewalk in the bright morning sun with the birds chirping in the trees and the wind blowing sweetly, Uruha felt mingling in his giddiness, a sense of peace and calm.
How was he going to live this new life of theirs? Over time, things become easier. People leave your life. They come and they go. Time and life itself was nonchalant to the desperation and the need, to the love, to the joy or the sadness. You grow used to the pain that it begins to feel like nothing. Maybe he would grow used to this friendship, to not holding him or kissing him, to not making love to him. He would grow used to not waking up to Aoi’s little flirtations or his cooing or taking shared showers with him or playing guitar until he had to force Aoi, who was surprisingly a hard worker to put the guitar down before his fingers bled.
“No one is home,” Aoi smiled as he looked up at him. Uruha’s heart inside his chest swelled and he felt as if he were made of water. Maybe he would never get used to it. “I think he is with his boyfriend~” he playfully sang the last word.
Uruha tilted his head and observed him, giving him the look that everyone knew meant that he was deeply considering their actions and seeing it, Aoi looked away and laughed whole heartedly at Uruha’s bizarre behavior that was so characteristic of him. “You seem happy,” Uruha mumbled as if he wasn’t at all affected by Aoi’s laughter which in fact, he was, deeply so to the point of confusion.
“I am happy,” Aoi looked back at him and smirked. And he was. For the first time in his life, he felt strong. Every night, he slept in those horrid love hotels until they began to lose their effect on him. He even saw a trick that had once picked him up on the train and as the man made eyes at him, Aoi merely laughed and just looked out the window, feeling not the slightest desire to realize that cheap moment of power that he felt whenever a trick would pay for him or grovel at his feet or hungrily suck him off. He didn’t need it anymore. He didn’t need to be raised like a prince in the filth of it, he didn’t need to bleach out the pain anymore, he didn’t need to be desired or loved. For the first time in his life, he was fine with just being the way he was.
And it happened like an epiphany. He woke up one morning in a love hotel and went to the bathroom to wash his face and looking up at his own reflection in the foggy mirror, suddenly saw for the first time, the person that was gazing back at him and the tragedy that was his life came flowing over him like a waterfall and he saw his life a part from him as if it had happened to someone else; the fatherless son of a whore who had snatched food off the steps of an altar, who had stolen a motorcycle just to see the one he loved smile beautiful in the warm summer sun, the boy that had almost gallantly kept vigil over his reckless mother and what he saw filled him with love and admiration. He could see then the person Uruha could see in him-what everyone who had loved him saw and he was proud of who he was. “You’re going to be alright” Fuwa had said to him so many years ago and he finally understood what he had meant.
“You’re a good guy, aren’t you?” Aoi had said to himself with a laugh. He felt as if he could save the world at that moment and he smiled a wide smile to the point of causing a dull ache in his cheeks.
Uruha didn’t reply to him. In a way, he felt hurt. He didn’t understand the reason as to why Aoi was for the first time, truly happy. All he knew was that he had left him and in a matter of days after their separation, Aoi had seemingly shed all of his anger and his sadness. When they practiced or worked on songs, he was like a sweet loving brother, bringing Uruha coffee or telling him how good he was or how clever and he laughed and smiled and joked around. And his joy was infectious and Uruha perhaps out of a secret pride and an intense desire to have him back tried his best to resist its natural effects on him. Aoi happy made him happy and his charming smirks and funny little dancing when he played, caused Uruha to smile to himself unwillingly.
“Hey, U-samaaaaaa, come sit down next to me until that stupid little drummer guy tears himself from his dashing dark foreigner.” He tapped the ground next to him. Uruha did as he asked. He sat down as close to him as possible. Their shoulders were touching and he could smell the scent of his skin and hair. “Ahhh isn’t this calming,” Aoi smiled and looked around, chuckling as the newspaper kid almost ran his bike into a parked car. “Stupid!”
“Where are you staying at night, Aoi?” Uruha asked, staring at the side of his face and not looking away, not even for the shocking comedy of the delivery boy running into a car.
“At a hotel. I need to find an apartment. Nagano-you remember him right?” Without waiting for an answer, he continued. “He found me a job at some factory that unloads crap during the night, like from 2 AM to 9 AM in the morning which is good since it won’t conflict with any of the band things. I start next week and since it’s just moving stuff, I can quit anytime or start up again. At least, that’s what he told me. You know, if we start touring or anything.” He spoke as he stared off into the empty street, admiring the shadow of leaves on the surface of the dark grey tar of the road.
“That’s good.” Uruha didn’t know what to think. Perhaps, it was better that Aoi was doing this, gaining his independence and starting to become an adult in some way. “When you get your apartment, will you invite me over?”
“I’ll invite everyone over!” Aoi laughed and slapped his leg. “We’ll play music 24 hours a day, nonstop.”
Uruha stared at the ground before him. Despite his cheerful response, Uruha was expecting him to talk about something else entirely and he knew that Aoi knew this and was deliberately avoiding talking about it. “It is really over between us, isn’t it?” he said in a voice, soft and almost silent.
Aoi looked at him. He looked almost insanely beautiful in the morning sun, with his sunflower colored hair falling about his face and the shadows the light casted around his full mouth. “U-sama, don’t talk like that. The future is before us, can’t you see it?” he nudged him.
“I don’t mean Gazette. I mean us. Us, you and me.”
“Aren’t we together right now-”
Uruha wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t going to hear any of this talk. He shook his head no almost irritably and said in a loud forceful voice “I mean as lovers. It isn’t the same. It isn’t. I mean, I’m happy that you’re happy and if you can’t be happy with me, I can understand but-but-but what I mean, what I mean,” he stuttered and unable to control his words, he paused and took a deep breath. “Nothing is like it, being with you…so don’t talk to me like that.”
“I’m sorry,” Aoi apologized sweetly for the irritation and frustration he was causing him. He could tell that Uruha was struggling with his inability to clearly convey his thoughts and his feelings and his avoidance was only stressing him further. “Come here,” he threw his arm around his shoulders and pulled him to his chest. After planting a firm kiss on his crown, he said “I don’t know. Give me some time to figure things out, okay? One thing at a time.” He rubbed his shoulder comfortingly.
“Do you love me anymore?”
Aoi laughed as if what he said was immensely humorous. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course, I love you. It’s my curse, to love the beautiful Uruha forever and ever. Even in my grave, I’ll love you.”
“I don’t understand why things have to be like this,” straining against Aoi’s hold, he looked up at him with big dark eyes.
“I know, baby. I know.” He smiled at him lovingly. “Don’t wait for me, okay? If you meet someone you love and you want to be with them, don’t think that you have to save yourself for me.”
“I’ll never betray you-”
“EH?! Falling in love with someone else isn’t betrayal. Life is too big to limit yourself like that. I’m just saying, live life now okay with the way things are right now. Don’t wait for me, please, don’t. I don’t want to be the thing that limits your happiness.’
Uruha buried his face into his chest and mumbling against it replied “I know what you are saying but you’ll never limit my happiness as stupid as that sounds.”
“You’re so sweet,” Aoi laughed and kissed his head once more.
“I just want you to come back to me. I want you back. Please.” He closed his eyes tightly as he breathed him in, feeling in ecstasy and in pain all at once the warmth of his body encompassing him.
“Uruha, patience.”
“I love you,” he said desperately.
Kneading his scalp the way Uruha would do to him, he replied “I love you too.”
***
When Yukio received the phone call from Kai a week ago about his resignation as the drummer of Lie:Death and then followed with him telling him that he was joining Gazette, he at first thought he was joking. After waiting for what he believed would be an inevitable laugh or a “just kidding” he realized that Kai was being perfectly serious. “You’re joining Gazette? Kai, you do know that this is the worst time to be doing something like this-Hell, this is extremely bitchass of you.” Yukio was about to lose his temper the more he thought about it.
But Kai had been riding on cloud nine and was completely unaffected by Yukio’s anger. He merely said that Rey was interested in joining Lie:Death and then hung up after chirping out a cheerful goodbye.
He really didn’t have a choice. He did as Kai suggested and called up Rey. He didn’t have time to go find a suitable replacement (which he didn’t think Rey was). Like Gazette, Lie:Death had to practice the entire week as the new drummer tried to learn the songs in the short period of time.
Words could not express the anger he felt toward Kai for pulling this stunt and he knew if he saw him in the back of Cerberus the night of the tournament final, he would in all likelihood express his fury and frustration in physical violence. When the day finally rolled around and he and his fellow band mates were in their dressing room, getting ready for the show, he sat in his metal fold up chair, seething as he fantasized about laying a fist right into Kai’s stupid little dimpled face.
Cat Fuzz, however thought the “stunt” as he had begun to call it was brilliant. Outside, the fans were buzzing about it and rumors were flying as to why the switch was made and people wondered if either drummer would be able to hold their own. He could care less who won. He merely wanted to generate hype and money out of the tournament and this little plot twist was certainly building excitement. The common conception amongst the fans that showed up at Cerberus that night was actually quite near to the truth: Kai had left Lie:Death so he could play alongside his friends. And this worked against Yukio and his band. The fans felt that the change was sentimental and proved a strong bond of friendship between the current members of Gazette and that caused the fans to develop a loyalty as well as a strong admiration for them.
“You guys are going to rock this house to oblivion!!!!” Sakai announced as he went around the dressing room and high fived each of the members.
“Ughhhh I hope I don’t mess up,” Kai nervously drummed on his legs and looked around the room with an almost comic desperation. He had done his make-up an hour earlier than he needed to now all he could do was go over the songs in his head over and over again.
“Good luck,” Reita shook Uruha’s hand and then walked over to Aoi and did the same. “Good luck,” he said until he had wished it upon each of them.
Ruki checked his make up once more and tucking in the cross that Reita had returned to him, puckered his lips at his reflection and rearranged some locks of hair until he was convinced it was perfect.
“I think you’ll be okay,” Uruha said to the nervous and anxious Kai. “You had no problems during rehearsal.”
“I hope stage fright won’t mess me up,” he whined.
“Just concentrate on drumming.”
“You’re right. Just concentrate on drumming,” he repeated and started breathing in and out like a woman giving birth.
“I hope he doesn’t pass out,” Aoi said to Uruha as he took a seat next to him. “Cigarette before the show?” he asked as he took out his pack.
Uruha shook his head no. “But I wish I had some champagne or some sake or wine.”
“Or whiskey or tequila or rubbing alcohol,” he teased and winked at him as he lit his cigarette.
“How do I look?” Ruki asked turning to the other 5. Sakai gave him a big thumbs up and Kai merely nodded as if he didn’t want to deal with it.
“Good!” Reita smiled.
“You look great,” Aoi added.
“You look like a killer baby doll,” Uruha said, telling him the truth.
The others grew tense in fear that Ruki would turn around and redo all his makeup. But after a strained moment of silence, he asked Uruha “Do I look attractive? Like will the girls like me?”
“You look attractive.”
“Can a killer baby doll look attractive?” Aoi asked with a laugh and a shake of the head.
The girl who had a crush on Aoi came in and was about to give them their 40 minute warning when Ruki suddenly turned and seeing that a female was in their presence, quickly asked her “Would you have sex with me?”
Her eyes widened in shock. “Excuse me?”
“Do I look cute? You know, in the way that you would want to have sex with me?”
Aoi couldn’t help but to start laughing hysterically. Reita and Uruha exchanged looks and tried to hide their amused smiles. Kai however stared at him as if he were insane.
“Yes?” she replied apprehensively.
“I want honesty.”
“You are ridiculously cute.”
“What do you mean by ridiculous?”
“Like teen girls screeching out your name cute,” Aoi joked.
“Uhh…” she looked at him and then returning her gaze to Ruki nodded and agreed with an affirmative “Yeah.”
“Good,” he said finally satisfied and then sat back down only to get back to his feet several moments later to check his costume.
When at last, it was the time to go on stage, the 5 of them left in a jittery line and outside of the stage, Kai pulled them together in a huddle. “We’re going to win this thing,” he said to them. “Give all your strength.” And after pumping themselves up, they made their way on stage to the delight of the fans who were waiting all night to see Kai up there with Gazette. They screamed out his name and some of them even shouted out random sentences that they could barely understand.
“Good Evening,” Ruki said into the microphone.
“RUUUUUUUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII CUTEEEEEEEE!!!!” Some girl randomly screeched and Ruki remembering what Aoi had said in the back turned and looked at him and laughed.
“We’re Gazette and this is our new drummer, Mr. Suicide,” he said the last word in English and the fans started laughing as Ruki referred indirectly to the gutsy move of switching bands unexpectedly right before the final. “He’s our Kamikaze pilot. Oh and that’s Uruha,” he pointed to him randomly. “That’s Aoi,” he turned and pointed to him. “And that’s Reita. He obviously has something to hide.” He was referring obviously to his noseband. Ruki couldn’t stop joking-let alone talking. Aoi turned and looked at Kai and the two them shook their heads as the thought crossed their minds that they should have told Ruki to not try any MCs or standup comedy while he was out there. “Oh, and I’m the Kawaii Killa Doll, Ruki,” he giggled and the girls, consumed almost to insanity with just how cute he was laughed and shrieked.
Kai, to get things rolling started counting for the first song. “1! 2! 3! 4!” he shouted and the rest of the band quickly joined in and running on nerves and adrenaline, they played with even more intensity and energy than before. He had expected to experience a revelation out there playing alongside his friends but he was surprised that he didn’t have one at all. He went through the time that it took for them to get through their set list in a mix of panic at trying to remember the drum patterns of all the songs to pure concentration to merely having a lot of fun and when Ruki introduced the ballad that he had wrote several days ago, he closed his eyes and played as he sang along to Ruki’s surprisingly touching lyrics, nearly forgetting where he was.
They had ended their performance with this song leaving the crowd with a sense that Gazette was a serious and sentimental band-which Ruki besides having them think that they were cool, wanted them to firmly believe. Besides in his mind, only the really cool bands have touching deep songs and he convinced the others that they should leave the fans on such a note. To the others, it seemed a bit like he was trying to mess with their psychology but even though he wanted to make great songs, they knew that he wasn’t an idiot and that he knew that in order to survive as a band, one needed to get ahead to some degree. Any artist that tells you that they would prefer to write songs and play them to a crowd of 7 people than to play the game was either vain to point of absurdity or just merely stupid. Not that Ruki would tell them this.
And he was right. As Gazette bowed and left the stage, everyone in the crowd held high opinions of the young men especially of the deep and sincere vocalist whose insistence on talking constantly actually made them feel closer to him. Lie:Death had a lot to compete against. Gazette’s charm was nearly fatal and as soon as they went to the back, the crowd began to grow anxious and irritable. Half way through Lie:Death’s performance, everyone in the building including the band themselves knew that they had lost. Even though they sounded better, clearer and more organized, they were boring as hell and some people went to the bathroom to talk than to sit through the set. The loss of Kai as their drummer had paralyzed Lie:Death to some degree and for the band that barely had any energy to begin with, it seemed to only suck out what they did have and left them dull and lifeless.
They wouldn’t know until much later after the concert who had won and so Gazette with their new manager Sakai, decided to go out to the bar instead of sitting around as Lie:Death performed. Besides, Kai had an intuitive feeling that if he came across Yukio, he would probably lose some teeth or break some bones. As the 6 of them with as much of their costume and make-up removed as was humanly possible in 10-15 minutes, scooted into a booth and Uruha not waiting another minute, ordered drinks.
“You guys were amazing!” Sakai clapped.
“I messed up a couple of times,” Kai shook his head and pushed the napkin on the table I front of him back and forth.
“No one noticed,” Aoi put his hand on his shoulder and shook him comfortingly.
“Yeah, it’s all good,” Reita smiled at him. “I have a good feeling that we’re going to win!”
“Same here,” Uruha nodded. “I could sense that they really liked us.”
The 5 of them were buzzing from the excitement and as soon as the drinks arrived, they popped them open.
“Hey a toast!” Reita announced in feigned formality.
“A toast?!” Kai giggled delighted.
“Yes! A toast! To your great and wonderful bassist!” he shouted out playfully. Ruki slapped him on the arm and he quickly changed it to what he really meant to say: “To Gazette!”
They all repeated after him and clinked the necks of their bottles together.
“So now what?” Reita asked as he looked at each of them.
“What do you mean?” Uruha tilted his head. “We get drunk.”
Ruki slid his untouched beer across the table over at his alcohol enthused lead guitarist and with a cute look of disgust said “You all can get drunk.”
“Okay,” Uruha replied as he took the bottle and lined it up next to his.
“So, we need to figure out what we are going to record if we do win,” Ruki said, getting down to business.
“Hey! Hey! Hey!” Reita threw an arm around him. “I know how you are and all but for tonight, I just want to enjoy myself and not think about work, k?”
Ruki narrowed his eyes and observed him, considering what he should do. Reita was right. They could use a much deserved break. For the past week, they had been busting their asses preparing for their performance and he could tell that everyone was exhausted physically and emotionally. These first couple of months had been rough on each of them whether they knew that about one another or not. And it seemed that they had all finally reached a resting place for a moment. They were finally together as a band, the five of them and between them there was no animosity, no drama, no bad blood, even Aoi and Uruha seemed okay with another and how things were.
For the first time since they were very young, they were just merely a group of friends, dreaming about the future. Sitting there surrounded by them as they began to relive the performance, laughing amongst themselves about how Aoi nearly ran smacked against his own amp as he was dancing, Ruki had a sense that things were truly okay and that he was safe and loved. He had a home to go to, Fuwa to look after him, his new dog, friends to spend time with, he had a dream worth achieving and friends worth achieving it with and even though he didn’t have Reita as his lover, he was his best friend. Somehow, even though it wasn’t turning out like he thought it would, he was at peace and he was happy.
“You know I love you guys,” he cut in with a cute, self-conscious smile.
The others suddenly went quiet and looked at him. Easing out the awkwardness, Aoi playfully poked his bubbling cheeks and teased “AWWWWWWWW Aren’t you cute!”
[A/N I know the whole apologizing for late posts is getting redundant but this has been a bit long, hasn't it? Well, I've been reallyyyyyy tired to the point of immobility lately. I finally finished the one-shot that I was working on for my beta, so that certainly helps with the writing time. As for Forever & Ever, I am going to be jumping some time, about several months and so, for the sake of posting and writing such, I can say firmly that I won't post again until a week from now to give you the sense of time passing as well as to give myself more time to write without worrying about when I will post and hopefully by then, I can do the every day posting schedule until the finishing line. This fiction has been really long and along with Miseinen, it is almost 500 pages in total! And that's not even doubled space >.< Crazy, isn't it? I'm wondering if I should something to commemorate this fic when it's all over.... Well Cheers My Readers!!! Until next time. *tips hat*]
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7.1| Part 7.2| Part 8.1| Part 8.2| Part 9| Part 10| Part 11| Part 12| Part 13| Part 14| Part 15| Part 16| Part 17| Part 18| Part 19| Part 20| Part 21| Part 22| Part 23| Part 24| Part 25| Part 26| Part 27| Part 28| Part 29| Part 30.1| Part 30.2| Part 31| Part 32.1| Part 32.2| Part 33| Part 34| Part 35| Part 36| Part 37| Part 38| Part 39
From across the bed, D’Marcus watched him sleep. Between his body and his own, the empty space of the cotton sheet separating them felt like a small ocean and even though the sun always poured in generously into his bedroom at this hour and the yellow walls glowed and the white blankets gleamed and Kai slept peacefully, the moment carved a hollow hole into him. He dragged his eyes away from Kai’s face smothered in the soft feathered body of the pillow and stared at the ceiling unable to even conjure up thoughts or see beyond this moment and into a future that seemed vague and empty.
“You shouldn’t let me sleep too late,” Kai whispered as he slowly opened his eyes and smiled. He lifted up a heavy hand and reaching across the expanse of the cotton ocean, let it drop on D’s bare chest.
“It’s not too late.”
Kai lifted himself up and crawling toward him placed a soft kiss on his forehead. “Good morning,” he said with a dimpled smile.
“Morning.”
He looked down at him and even though D was being quiet, Kai could tell what was on his mind. Running the tips of his fingertips along the contours of his face, the high cheek bones, the prominent jaw, he asked “You are thinking about when you are going home, aren’t you?” D merely nodded. “If it’s bothering you so much, don’t.”
“You know that I can’t do that, right?”
“Why is that?”
D took a deep breath. “Kai, I have to go home. My family is there, my life is there…” He searched for the right words. Even in his native tongue, he couldn’t convey his thoughts and feelings let alone in Japanese and so he merely said with defeat “It’s hard to explain.”
“You don’t have to.” A thin sad smile arched its way across Kai’s face. He knew that he didn’t have a right to say anything about D returning back home to America. He had only known in him now for several months and their romantic relationship was barely a week old. It would be ridiculous for him to argue or make demands. Even though they felt so strongly for one another, Kai and D’Marcus, who were both family oriented men would never even consider the idea that one would stay with a new found lover instead of going back home to one’s family and lifelong friends. It was simply out of the question. “Look. If it’s meant to be, when you come back, we’ll just pick up where we left off. Okay?”
D bit his bottom lip and smiled warmly up at him. “Okay,” he nodded.
“But until then, we should just enjoy ourselves while we can,” he kissed his full bottom lip softly, feeling on the surface of his own the dampness of D’s saliva.
In response, he wrapped his arms around Kai and changing the subject for both of their sakes, asked “Are you doing band stuff today?”
“Always,” Kai giggled. “One last practice before the big final.”
“You’ll probably win,” D laughed at how sure he made it seem.
“I hope so. Are you coming?”
“Yeah. Do you not want me to?” He narrowed his eyes and observed his reaction almost playfully as if he expected him to lie.
“What’s the use? You’ve already been traumatized-”
“You mean you’re the one who has been traumatized!” D held him closer as he let out a hollow laugh.
“Maybe! But hey, we could use all the votes we can get. Lie:Death isn’t going to be easy to beat especially since they are going to have one more song than us.”
“I don’t think the fans are going to care that much. From what I can tell, they all seem really informed on everything so they all already know how young Gazette is.”
“True,” Kai smiled and pecked him on the cheek before sliding off the bed altogether. He didn’t have much time to waste. “I need to head on home before the others start showing up.”
“You’re practicing at your place?” D sat up and stretched his arms into the air revealing as the blanket fell from him, a well formed body of an athlete.
Kai distracted, blew off his question and asked somewhat aghast “How often do you work out?”
“3 to 4 days a week. Why?”
“You look like…I don’t know but it’s ridiculous,” he laughed it off. He wasn’t sure if he was jealous or turned on by him.
D slid out of bed and quickly dressed before walking over to Kai and holding him once more. “Are you coming back here when you’re done?” he asked in a whisper, his lips pressed up against Kai’s ear.
“Do you want me to?” Kai leaned into him.
“Of course I do.”
“Then, I will.”
***
Reita didn’t think he’d ever see her again. She had taken all her belongings and left to where, he didn’t know. If there was anything that still plagued him about what had happened, it was this: the fact that he’d never be able to apologize to her and tell her what she truly meant to him. She was hurt and in a pain. At least with Ruki, he could set things right and in his mind, purify them. But with Kameyo, the last time he saw her she was angry and in tears and he feared that in his memory, she would be like that forever, shaking her head at him, heartbroken and confused.
But as fate would have it-or rather as Kameyo herself would have it, this wasn’t going to be the case. Unexpectedly, she returned back to their apartment-not to stay but to say her final farewell. When she entered, he was sitting at the kitchen table reading from the newspaper. Hearing the door open, he knew that it had to be her and he looked up too startled to really feel or think anything.
“Hey,” she said meekly as she felt his eyes fall upon her.
“Kameyo.” He got up too quickly, knocking his legs on the table and shaking all of the contents. His fumble made her laugh and fortunately for them both, it eased the tension that they both were suffering.
“How ya been?”
“Good,” he smiled as he tried to hold in his laughter. He must have looked like an idiot and as he imagined how she must have seen it, he couldn’t get over how funny and awkward it was. “You?”
“Great. Um…Akira, I didn’t come back here to stay-”
“I know.”
“I came back to say goodbye, the right way.” Before she could say anymore, he rushed unexpectedly over to her and held her in a tight hug. He hadn’t held her that tight since the first time they had sex on the floor of Reita’s parent’s house surrounded by coke cans and CDs. “Easy there big boy,” she laughed and tapped his back. “Um…There’s something else I want to tell you.” Reita reluctantly let go and took a step back.
“What is it?” his voice was deep and smooth. As she heard it now, it felt as if she were hearing it for the first time.
“Um…how do I say this?” She laughed at herself and in that moment, she appeared to him extremely girlish and the sight of her smiling, made him feel warm inside. A thought crossed his mind that he was making a mistake letting her go like this. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since…you know…” In a nervous gesture, she played with her nails. She looked down at them too self-conscious to look up at Reita as she spoke. “I kept wondering you know about you and Ruki and I realized that you guys had something that you know, me and you never had. And it’s not that you two were kids and you bonded way back when but…with the band.” She took a deep breath as if she were taking in her strength through the air and she raised her eyes to his. “I got to thinking about how you have this thing with Ruki, like a shared dream and here I am. I don't have any dreams, you know? With him, you have something real-not like we didn’t . I don’t know how to explain it but it’s like your fates are linked and I don’t know if I even believe in fate but...” She raised her eyes to the ceiling. “I just…you were right what you said about me. So, basically what I want to say is I’m tired of feeling blank. I’m tired of wanting something that I can’t even quite see and I want a dream, you know? And I got to thinking that the only thing I ever wanted to be was superhero, right?” She laughed. “So, I’m going to go find that. I don’t know where I will but I know in some way, I am going to. And I just wanted to let you know.” She smiled sweetly at him as she lifted a hand to his face and ran her thumb across the smooth surface of his cheek. “Thanks, Akira. You were the first person that wanted me, the first boy that made me feel like I was woman enough and I can never thank you enough for what you’ve given me. Maybe someday we’ll meet again and things will be different. I’ll always love you and I wish you happiness and success, forever and ever. Don’t ever change, okay?” She let her hand fall away from his face.
A moment of silence followed her last word and the two of them, realizing that this could very well be the last time they ever see each other, had to fight back the tears. Suddenly, Reita threw his arms around her and kissed her deeply almost desperately. He had wanted to keep her to him. He asked her to marry him so that he could never lose sight of her, so that he could protect her and watch over her but now, she was leaving for good and even though, he had known that it was over when he had walked out that day, the reality of it all had come crashing down on him and he felt stunned and winded. Releasing her, he whispered “I love you, Kameyo.” Stepping back, he took a good look at her one last time, letting his eyes examine her face as he committed her loving expression to his memory. “You’re a good kid,” he teased charmingly and smiled despite the fact that he was crying without restraint now. He tasseled her short hair and placed a kiss on her forehead the way an older brother might.
There was nothing left Kameyo could say. “Goodbye,” She returned his smile with a sweet one of her own.
As she turned to go, Reita’s shouted out his last words to her between his tears, in a boisterous yet broken stutter “Go save the world!”
She looked over her shoulder and winked at him before shutting the door behind her.
***
Uruha was never early. When he arrived at Kai’s house to find Aoi sitting aimlessly on the sidewalk with his legs crossed and lit cigarette in his hand, watching a kid delivering what looked like local newspapers to the houses across the street.
“Why are you out here?” he asked him. His heart raced inside of his chest. Another moment alone with him. He still wasn’t used to this new life of theirs. Separation. Distance. That’s what Aoi said that they both needed. Was he really obsessed him? What did that even mean? Maybe he was but he didn’t care. With the sight of him sitting on the bleached sidewalk in the bright morning sun with the birds chirping in the trees and the wind blowing sweetly, Uruha felt mingling in his giddiness, a sense of peace and calm.
How was he going to live this new life of theirs? Over time, things become easier. People leave your life. They come and they go. Time and life itself was nonchalant to the desperation and the need, to the love, to the joy or the sadness. You grow used to the pain that it begins to feel like nothing. Maybe he would grow used to this friendship, to not holding him or kissing him, to not making love to him. He would grow used to not waking up to Aoi’s little flirtations or his cooing or taking shared showers with him or playing guitar until he had to force Aoi, who was surprisingly a hard worker to put the guitar down before his fingers bled.
“No one is home,” Aoi smiled as he looked up at him. Uruha’s heart inside his chest swelled and he felt as if he were made of water. Maybe he would never get used to it. “I think he is with his boyfriend~” he playfully sang the last word.
Uruha tilted his head and observed him, giving him the look that everyone knew meant that he was deeply considering their actions and seeing it, Aoi looked away and laughed whole heartedly at Uruha’s bizarre behavior that was so characteristic of him. “You seem happy,” Uruha mumbled as if he wasn’t at all affected by Aoi’s laughter which in fact, he was, deeply so to the point of confusion.
“I am happy,” Aoi looked back at him and smirked. And he was. For the first time in his life, he felt strong. Every night, he slept in those horrid love hotels until they began to lose their effect on him. He even saw a trick that had once picked him up on the train and as the man made eyes at him, Aoi merely laughed and just looked out the window, feeling not the slightest desire to realize that cheap moment of power that he felt whenever a trick would pay for him or grovel at his feet or hungrily suck him off. He didn’t need it anymore. He didn’t need to be raised like a prince in the filth of it, he didn’t need to bleach out the pain anymore, he didn’t need to be desired or loved. For the first time in his life, he was fine with just being the way he was.
And it happened like an epiphany. He woke up one morning in a love hotel and went to the bathroom to wash his face and looking up at his own reflection in the foggy mirror, suddenly saw for the first time, the person that was gazing back at him and the tragedy that was his life came flowing over him like a waterfall and he saw his life a part from him as if it had happened to someone else; the fatherless son of a whore who had snatched food off the steps of an altar, who had stolen a motorcycle just to see the one he loved smile beautiful in the warm summer sun, the boy that had almost gallantly kept vigil over his reckless mother and what he saw filled him with love and admiration. He could see then the person Uruha could see in him-what everyone who had loved him saw and he was proud of who he was. “You’re going to be alright” Fuwa had said to him so many years ago and he finally understood what he had meant.
“You’re a good guy, aren’t you?” Aoi had said to himself with a laugh. He felt as if he could save the world at that moment and he smiled a wide smile to the point of causing a dull ache in his cheeks.
Uruha didn’t reply to him. In a way, he felt hurt. He didn’t understand the reason as to why Aoi was for the first time, truly happy. All he knew was that he had left him and in a matter of days after their separation, Aoi had seemingly shed all of his anger and his sadness. When they practiced or worked on songs, he was like a sweet loving brother, bringing Uruha coffee or telling him how good he was or how clever and he laughed and smiled and joked around. And his joy was infectious and Uruha perhaps out of a secret pride and an intense desire to have him back tried his best to resist its natural effects on him. Aoi happy made him happy and his charming smirks and funny little dancing when he played, caused Uruha to smile to himself unwillingly.
“Hey, U-samaaaaaa, come sit down next to me until that stupid little drummer guy tears himself from his dashing dark foreigner.” He tapped the ground next to him. Uruha did as he asked. He sat down as close to him as possible. Their shoulders were touching and he could smell the scent of his skin and hair. “Ahhh isn’t this calming,” Aoi smiled and looked around, chuckling as the newspaper kid almost ran his bike into a parked car. “Stupid!”
“Where are you staying at night, Aoi?” Uruha asked, staring at the side of his face and not looking away, not even for the shocking comedy of the delivery boy running into a car.
“At a hotel. I need to find an apartment. Nagano-you remember him right?” Without waiting for an answer, he continued. “He found me a job at some factory that unloads crap during the night, like from 2 AM to 9 AM in the morning which is good since it won’t conflict with any of the band things. I start next week and since it’s just moving stuff, I can quit anytime or start up again. At least, that’s what he told me. You know, if we start touring or anything.” He spoke as he stared off into the empty street, admiring the shadow of leaves on the surface of the dark grey tar of the road.
“That’s good.” Uruha didn’t know what to think. Perhaps, it was better that Aoi was doing this, gaining his independence and starting to become an adult in some way. “When you get your apartment, will you invite me over?”
“I’ll invite everyone over!” Aoi laughed and slapped his leg. “We’ll play music 24 hours a day, nonstop.”
Uruha stared at the ground before him. Despite his cheerful response, Uruha was expecting him to talk about something else entirely and he knew that Aoi knew this and was deliberately avoiding talking about it. “It is really over between us, isn’t it?” he said in a voice, soft and almost silent.
Aoi looked at him. He looked almost insanely beautiful in the morning sun, with his sunflower colored hair falling about his face and the shadows the light casted around his full mouth. “U-sama, don’t talk like that. The future is before us, can’t you see it?” he nudged him.
“I don’t mean Gazette. I mean us. Us, you and me.”
“Aren’t we together right now-”
Uruha wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t going to hear any of this talk. He shook his head no almost irritably and said in a loud forceful voice “I mean as lovers. It isn’t the same. It isn’t. I mean, I’m happy that you’re happy and if you can’t be happy with me, I can understand but-but-but what I mean, what I mean,” he stuttered and unable to control his words, he paused and took a deep breath. “Nothing is like it, being with you…so don’t talk to me like that.”
“I’m sorry,” Aoi apologized sweetly for the irritation and frustration he was causing him. He could tell that Uruha was struggling with his inability to clearly convey his thoughts and his feelings and his avoidance was only stressing him further. “Come here,” he threw his arm around his shoulders and pulled him to his chest. After planting a firm kiss on his crown, he said “I don’t know. Give me some time to figure things out, okay? One thing at a time.” He rubbed his shoulder comfortingly.
“Do you love me anymore?”
Aoi laughed as if what he said was immensely humorous. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course, I love you. It’s my curse, to love the beautiful Uruha forever and ever. Even in my grave, I’ll love you.”
“I don’t understand why things have to be like this,” straining against Aoi’s hold, he looked up at him with big dark eyes.
“I know, baby. I know.” He smiled at him lovingly. “Don’t wait for me, okay? If you meet someone you love and you want to be with them, don’t think that you have to save yourself for me.”
“I’ll never betray you-”
“EH?! Falling in love with someone else isn’t betrayal. Life is too big to limit yourself like that. I’m just saying, live life now okay with the way things are right now. Don’t wait for me, please, don’t. I don’t want to be the thing that limits your happiness.’
Uruha buried his face into his chest and mumbling against it replied “I know what you are saying but you’ll never limit my happiness as stupid as that sounds.”
“You’re so sweet,” Aoi laughed and kissed his head once more.
“I just want you to come back to me. I want you back. Please.” He closed his eyes tightly as he breathed him in, feeling in ecstasy and in pain all at once the warmth of his body encompassing him.
“Uruha, patience.”
“I love you,” he said desperately.
Kneading his scalp the way Uruha would do to him, he replied “I love you too.”
***
When Yukio received the phone call from Kai a week ago about his resignation as the drummer of Lie:Death and then followed with him telling him that he was joining Gazette, he at first thought he was joking. After waiting for what he believed would be an inevitable laugh or a “just kidding” he realized that Kai was being perfectly serious. “You’re joining Gazette? Kai, you do know that this is the worst time to be doing something like this-Hell, this is extremely bitchass of you.” Yukio was about to lose his temper the more he thought about it.
But Kai had been riding on cloud nine and was completely unaffected by Yukio’s anger. He merely said that Rey was interested in joining Lie:Death and then hung up after chirping out a cheerful goodbye.
He really didn’t have a choice. He did as Kai suggested and called up Rey. He didn’t have time to go find a suitable replacement (which he didn’t think Rey was). Like Gazette, Lie:Death had to practice the entire week as the new drummer tried to learn the songs in the short period of time.
Words could not express the anger he felt toward Kai for pulling this stunt and he knew if he saw him in the back of Cerberus the night of the tournament final, he would in all likelihood express his fury and frustration in physical violence. When the day finally rolled around and he and his fellow band mates were in their dressing room, getting ready for the show, he sat in his metal fold up chair, seething as he fantasized about laying a fist right into Kai’s stupid little dimpled face.
Cat Fuzz, however thought the “stunt” as he had begun to call it was brilliant. Outside, the fans were buzzing about it and rumors were flying as to why the switch was made and people wondered if either drummer would be able to hold their own. He could care less who won. He merely wanted to generate hype and money out of the tournament and this little plot twist was certainly building excitement. The common conception amongst the fans that showed up at Cerberus that night was actually quite near to the truth: Kai had left Lie:Death so he could play alongside his friends. And this worked against Yukio and his band. The fans felt that the change was sentimental and proved a strong bond of friendship between the current members of Gazette and that caused the fans to develop a loyalty as well as a strong admiration for them.
“You guys are going to rock this house to oblivion!!!!” Sakai announced as he went around the dressing room and high fived each of the members.
“Ughhhh I hope I don’t mess up,” Kai nervously drummed on his legs and looked around the room with an almost comic desperation. He had done his make-up an hour earlier than he needed to now all he could do was go over the songs in his head over and over again.
“Good luck,” Reita shook Uruha’s hand and then walked over to Aoi and did the same. “Good luck,” he said until he had wished it upon each of them.
Ruki checked his make up once more and tucking in the cross that Reita had returned to him, puckered his lips at his reflection and rearranged some locks of hair until he was convinced it was perfect.
“I think you’ll be okay,” Uruha said to the nervous and anxious Kai. “You had no problems during rehearsal.”
“I hope stage fright won’t mess me up,” he whined.
“Just concentrate on drumming.”
“You’re right. Just concentrate on drumming,” he repeated and started breathing in and out like a woman giving birth.
“I hope he doesn’t pass out,” Aoi said to Uruha as he took a seat next to him. “Cigarette before the show?” he asked as he took out his pack.
Uruha shook his head no. “But I wish I had some champagne or some sake or wine.”
“Or whiskey or tequila or rubbing alcohol,” he teased and winked at him as he lit his cigarette.
“How do I look?” Ruki asked turning to the other 5. Sakai gave him a big thumbs up and Kai merely nodded as if he didn’t want to deal with it.
“Good!” Reita smiled.
“You look great,” Aoi added.
“You look like a killer baby doll,” Uruha said, telling him the truth.
The others grew tense in fear that Ruki would turn around and redo all his makeup. But after a strained moment of silence, he asked Uruha “Do I look attractive? Like will the girls like me?”
“You look attractive.”
“Can a killer baby doll look attractive?” Aoi asked with a laugh and a shake of the head.
The girl who had a crush on Aoi came in and was about to give them their 40 minute warning when Ruki suddenly turned and seeing that a female was in their presence, quickly asked her “Would you have sex with me?”
Her eyes widened in shock. “Excuse me?”
“Do I look cute? You know, in the way that you would want to have sex with me?”
Aoi couldn’t help but to start laughing hysterically. Reita and Uruha exchanged looks and tried to hide their amused smiles. Kai however stared at him as if he were insane.
“Yes?” she replied apprehensively.
“I want honesty.”
“You are ridiculously cute.”
“What do you mean by ridiculous?”
“Like teen girls screeching out your name cute,” Aoi joked.
“Uhh…” she looked at him and then returning her gaze to Ruki nodded and agreed with an affirmative “Yeah.”
“Good,” he said finally satisfied and then sat back down only to get back to his feet several moments later to check his costume.
When at last, it was the time to go on stage, the 5 of them left in a jittery line and outside of the stage, Kai pulled them together in a huddle. “We’re going to win this thing,” he said to them. “Give all your strength.” And after pumping themselves up, they made their way on stage to the delight of the fans who were waiting all night to see Kai up there with Gazette. They screamed out his name and some of them even shouted out random sentences that they could barely understand.
“Good Evening,” Ruki said into the microphone.
“RUUUUUUUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII CUTEEEEEEEE!!!!” Some girl randomly screeched and Ruki remembering what Aoi had said in the back turned and looked at him and laughed.
“We’re Gazette and this is our new drummer, Mr. Suicide,” he said the last word in English and the fans started laughing as Ruki referred indirectly to the gutsy move of switching bands unexpectedly right before the final. “He’s our Kamikaze pilot. Oh and that’s Uruha,” he pointed to him randomly. “That’s Aoi,” he turned and pointed to him. “And that’s Reita. He obviously has something to hide.” He was referring obviously to his noseband. Ruki couldn’t stop joking-let alone talking. Aoi turned and looked at Kai and the two them shook their heads as the thought crossed their minds that they should have told Ruki to not try any MCs or standup comedy while he was out there. “Oh, and I’m the Kawaii Killa Doll, Ruki,” he giggled and the girls, consumed almost to insanity with just how cute he was laughed and shrieked.
Kai, to get things rolling started counting for the first song. “1! 2! 3! 4!” he shouted and the rest of the band quickly joined in and running on nerves and adrenaline, they played with even more intensity and energy than before. He had expected to experience a revelation out there playing alongside his friends but he was surprised that he didn’t have one at all. He went through the time that it took for them to get through their set list in a mix of panic at trying to remember the drum patterns of all the songs to pure concentration to merely having a lot of fun and when Ruki introduced the ballad that he had wrote several days ago, he closed his eyes and played as he sang along to Ruki’s surprisingly touching lyrics, nearly forgetting where he was.
They had ended their performance with this song leaving the crowd with a sense that Gazette was a serious and sentimental band-which Ruki besides having them think that they were cool, wanted them to firmly believe. Besides in his mind, only the really cool bands have touching deep songs and he convinced the others that they should leave the fans on such a note. To the others, it seemed a bit like he was trying to mess with their psychology but even though he wanted to make great songs, they knew that he wasn’t an idiot and that he knew that in order to survive as a band, one needed to get ahead to some degree. Any artist that tells you that they would prefer to write songs and play them to a crowd of 7 people than to play the game was either vain to point of absurdity or just merely stupid. Not that Ruki would tell them this.
And he was right. As Gazette bowed and left the stage, everyone in the crowd held high opinions of the young men especially of the deep and sincere vocalist whose insistence on talking constantly actually made them feel closer to him. Lie:Death had a lot to compete against. Gazette’s charm was nearly fatal and as soon as they went to the back, the crowd began to grow anxious and irritable. Half way through Lie:Death’s performance, everyone in the building including the band themselves knew that they had lost. Even though they sounded better, clearer and more organized, they were boring as hell and some people went to the bathroom to talk than to sit through the set. The loss of Kai as their drummer had paralyzed Lie:Death to some degree and for the band that barely had any energy to begin with, it seemed to only suck out what they did have and left them dull and lifeless.
They wouldn’t know until much later after the concert who had won and so Gazette with their new manager Sakai, decided to go out to the bar instead of sitting around as Lie:Death performed. Besides, Kai had an intuitive feeling that if he came across Yukio, he would probably lose some teeth or break some bones. As the 6 of them with as much of their costume and make-up removed as was humanly possible in 10-15 minutes, scooted into a booth and Uruha not waiting another minute, ordered drinks.
“You guys were amazing!” Sakai clapped.
“I messed up a couple of times,” Kai shook his head and pushed the napkin on the table I front of him back and forth.
“No one noticed,” Aoi put his hand on his shoulder and shook him comfortingly.
“Yeah, it’s all good,” Reita smiled at him. “I have a good feeling that we’re going to win!”
“Same here,” Uruha nodded. “I could sense that they really liked us.”
The 5 of them were buzzing from the excitement and as soon as the drinks arrived, they popped them open.
“Hey a toast!” Reita announced in feigned formality.
“A toast?!” Kai giggled delighted.
“Yes! A toast! To your great and wonderful bassist!” he shouted out playfully. Ruki slapped him on the arm and he quickly changed it to what he really meant to say: “To Gazette!”
They all repeated after him and clinked the necks of their bottles together.
“So now what?” Reita asked as he looked at each of them.
“What do you mean?” Uruha tilted his head. “We get drunk.”
Ruki slid his untouched beer across the table over at his alcohol enthused lead guitarist and with a cute look of disgust said “You all can get drunk.”
“Okay,” Uruha replied as he took the bottle and lined it up next to his.
“So, we need to figure out what we are going to record if we do win,” Ruki said, getting down to business.
“Hey! Hey! Hey!” Reita threw an arm around him. “I know how you are and all but for tonight, I just want to enjoy myself and not think about work, k?”
Ruki narrowed his eyes and observed him, considering what he should do. Reita was right. They could use a much deserved break. For the past week, they had been busting their asses preparing for their performance and he could tell that everyone was exhausted physically and emotionally. These first couple of months had been rough on each of them whether they knew that about one another or not. And it seemed that they had all finally reached a resting place for a moment. They were finally together as a band, the five of them and between them there was no animosity, no drama, no bad blood, even Aoi and Uruha seemed okay with another and how things were.
For the first time since they were very young, they were just merely a group of friends, dreaming about the future. Sitting there surrounded by them as they began to relive the performance, laughing amongst themselves about how Aoi nearly ran smacked against his own amp as he was dancing, Ruki had a sense that things were truly okay and that he was safe and loved. He had a home to go to, Fuwa to look after him, his new dog, friends to spend time with, he had a dream worth achieving and friends worth achieving it with and even though he didn’t have Reita as his lover, he was his best friend. Somehow, even though it wasn’t turning out like he thought it would, he was at peace and he was happy.
“You know I love you guys,” he cut in with a cute, self-conscious smile.
The others suddenly went quiet and looked at him. Easing out the awkwardness, Aoi playfully poked his bubbling cheeks and teased “AWWWWWWWW Aren’t you cute!”
[A/N I know the whole apologizing for late posts is getting redundant but this has been a bit long, hasn't it? Well, I've been reallyyyyyy tired to the point of immobility lately. I finally finished the one-shot that I was working on for my beta, so that certainly helps with the writing time. As for Forever & Ever, I am going to be jumping some time, about several months and so, for the sake of posting and writing such, I can say firmly that I won't post again until a week from now to give you the sense of time passing as well as to give myself more time to write without worrying about when I will post and hopefully by then, I can do the every day posting schedule until the finishing line. This fiction has been really long and along with Miseinen, it is almost 500 pages in total! And that's not even doubled space >.< Crazy, isn't it? I'm wondering if I should something to commemorate this fic when it's all over.... Well Cheers My Readers!!! Until next time. *tips hat*]