Out of Choices - Chapter 41
Title: Out Of Choices
Chapter 41: Juxtaposition (Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.1, 19.2, 20, 21, 22.1, 22.2, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33.1, 33.2, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Author:JCAddict/picklewinkle/Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count:4,922
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: Bella is devastated by the loss of her mother and is forced to go live with Charlie, her Mom's best friend when there is no one else to take her in. She gives up on living, too lost in her own anger to let anyone close to her. Enter Edward, the handsome teenage vampire, and the beginning of a complicated love-hate relationship. Neither can deny the connection between them, but can their love survive the fear that rules her and the secret he hides from her? AU, OOC, Rated Mature for language and lemons. Also available at Twilighted.net
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. I'm just manipulating them like imaginary playdoh so I feel like I have some power over them **snorts**
41. Juxtaposition
A/N: Today is my birthday, so for my birthday, you get a present :o) Happy 4th of July everyone!
Thank you to all of the readers and reviewers!
~~~~~
I opened my eyes, feeling fuzzy - heavy-lidded and far away, not fully cognizant. The brightness of the room made my eyes burn. How long had my eyes closed anyway?
I blinked the light back, surveying the room, because I didn't immediately recognize where I was. White walls, white blankets, white sheets, Styrofoam cup with a lid and straw, all in matching colourless white - there was a whole lot of friggen white in this room. Everything was coming into focus slowly.
Half drawn pastel coloured striped curtain, bedside table on wheels, heavy looking brown door with its odd handle - oversized and over-easy-to-use and the furthest thing from charming and welcoming. I knew this place.
There was a beeping, some sort of machine with a regular tone. Annoying was what it was.
I hated this place.
~~~~~
~~~~~
Not counting the emergency room visit on the ski trip, which I was never technically admitted to, I hadn't been in a hospital since Charlie and I took my Mom home to die. I wasn't really anxious to revisit the memory or this place.
Stop the fucking beeping! I'd pay cash money to whoever could shut that stupid machine off.
I slapped clumsily and blindly at the side of the bed, searching for the call button. I couldn't find the cord, even when I stretched my fingers out as far as they'd go. Figures. I was trapped in a place I hated with no way to call for help, or at least no easy way. Somehow I doubted the nurses would want me to scream, although I was seriously considering it if the beeping continued. It seemed to be getting faster and louder, or maybe it just seemed to match my irritation.
I turned my head towards the sound, looking down towards my outstretched hand. There were wires attached to me, coming out of the ugly gown they'd dressed me in. I followed the cord with my eyes, finally seeing the machine that was beeping - a heart monitor. I stretched towards the cord to yank it out and yelped.
Shit, that hurt. Why did that hurt so badly?
I lifted the gown and peered down through the tunnel of fabric. There was a large gauze bandage across my stomach that I distinctly remembered not having when I...well before I...well it sure as hell wasn't there when I was...not here. Where had I been?
I was driving. Yes! I was trying to catch Edward, begging him to pull over when I...fucked up. I was the reason why cities and states all over the US were banning talking on a cell phone while driving. I was like a walking advertisement for the stupidity that is the driving cell phone talker. Never again will I label myself as a good multi-tasker. I wasn't even driving that fast, just driving as fast as my poor truck would go, and all it took was a momentary loss of concentration, one tiny lapse in attention, for me to drift too far towards the edge of the road and drag my tires on the gravel. The truck lurched, and before I knew what was happening, it was too late. I over-corrected and lost control.
At least I wasn't a totally stupid motherfucker. I had my seatbelt on.
~~~~~
~~~~~
Edward had saved me. He pulled me out of the truck - damn near bent the steering column to get my leg out from its pinned position. My poor truck was probably in worse shape than I was. Edward wasn't the tiniest bit gentle with it, although he did do a fairly awesome job knocking out some of the dents using his hands. How you ask? Did I mention my boyfriend was a vampire with superhuman strength and speed? Well, that.
Where was Edward?
Where was Charlie?
And why hadn't someone shut off the damn beeping yet?
~~~~~
~~~~~
Yes, Edward was a vampire.
It wasn't overly difficult to believe in terms of normality. Edward had made it quite clear to me that he was not what society defined as normal - he was special - although exactly how special I had only recently been informed about, like while lying upside down in my truck during my recent rescue.
It explained a lot - the speed, the strength, the pale skin...the whole ‘I don't eat food' thing. There was a lot I still didn't know, but suffice it to say that my questions were numerous, not the least of which was what exactly his diet was, or more precisely, was I his diet? Then again, now that I thought about it, Rosalie had answered that question for me on Friday. Not that I couldn't think of a few people that I might offer up as snacks - bitchy whore-y Jessica Stanley, for instance, or the incessantly annoying Mike Newton.
Where was Edward?
~~~~~
~~~~~
A woman I didn't recognize came through the door, a nurse I assumed. She had coppery coloured hair and was wearing teal coloured scrubs. She smiled at me like she knew me and I felt conspicuously uninformed.
"Hi, Bella. I'm Phoebe."
"Hi, Phoebe."
"Do you remember what happened?" she questioned softly. Her eyes were kind, a vivid green with a blue undertone, like the bottom of the sea.
"I was in a car accident. My boyfriend saved me," I explained. "But after that it gets a bit fuzzy."
"You were brought to the hospital by ambulance, unconscious and with internal bleeding. Dr. Cullen operated on you. You're in recovery now."
"Oh." Not exactly the greatest way to meet Edward's father. Then again, I wasn't at my best when he saw me on Friday night either. "Is my uncle here, Charlie Hayes, or Edward Cullen?"
"I am under strict orders to go get Mr. Hayes when you awaken, if you're ready to see him?" She smiled at me, and I wondered if she was waiting for me to give my permission. "Edward snuck in to see you a few minutes ago, but left before Dr. Young came in to check on you so he wouldn't get in trouble." Her smirk was too big. She definitely knew something I didn't.
"You know Edward?" I asked.
"Pretty well," she admitted. "He used to spend a fair bit of time hanging around the hospital with us, and his father, of course...at least until you came around."
And there it was. She didn't just know Edward, she knew who I was to Edward.
"Is Edward still here?"
"I'll see if I can locate him after I send Mr. Hayes in," she explained. "But I have a feeling that Edward is going to come find you all on his own." She smiled knowingly at me again. Her grin widened when I blushed in response. I felt a bit like a sitting duck, but at least she was kind. I was on Edward's turf after all. Phoebe excused herself and went to look for Charlie.
~~~~~
~~~~~
When I heard the door creak, my eyes flew to it and I watched Charlie's head pop through the opening. He looked tired. His face was unshaven and his hair unkempt. He kept his hair so short I don't know how on Earth he managed to get it so messed up; he must have run his hand through it a thousand times for it to look so out of place. The worry on his face made the faint lines around his eyes stand out, aging him by ten years. I could see the tears welling in the corners.
"I'm fine," I croaked emotionally. Charlie's sensitive side was generally tucked safely away and it was difficult for me to see him so outwardly upset.
"Bells..." His voice was thick and quiet.
"I'm fine," I repeated, holding out my hands to him. I didn't know about him but I sure as hell needed a hug.
He rushed to the bed and then froze awkwardly, unsure of how to hug me around the wires and tubes.
"Get over here, goofball," I mumbled, pulling him towards me. His arms were careful and hesitant around me even though I hugged him with all my strength. "See?" I whispered. "As good as new."
"I swear to God, if you ever do that again to me, Isabella Marie Swan, I will fucking kill you myself."
He laughed nervously, trying to mask his anxiety and I laughed along with him, too. There really was no other response but laughter.
"I'm not planning to flip my truck again any time soon. I'll wait for that sports car I'll buy once you leave me your millions," I snarked.
"Yes, please wait until after I'm dead. I don't think my heart can take this again. First you go into shock, then you lock yourself in the bathroom for hours, come out running after Edward and land up in a wreck?"
"I'm a regular live by the seat of my pants sort of girl," I teased. "Who knew you couldn't do a crossword, rollerblade, put on mascara and drive at the same time?"
Charlie snickered quietly at my absurdity and then sat down beside me on the bed.
"I have something I need to speak to you about," he proclaimed, his voice gravely serious. The sudden shift in his tone caught me off-guard. He pulled two envelopes from his jacket pocket and laid them on my lap.
"What's this?" I wondered.
"Two things, actually. One, from today, and one from, well, from a few months ago."
"What is it Charlie?" I asked curiously, my forehead creased in curious confusion.
~~~~~
~~~~~
"I know how hard your mom's death hit you, Bells."
"That's not exactly a secret, Charlie." I chuckled darkly. Everyone who knew me knew how hard it hit me.
"Well, I wanted to give you time to adjust to Forks before I talked to you about this."
"This?" I questioned, wishing he'd just get on with it.
He handed me the thicker of the two envelopes.
"I had these drawn up a couple of months ago, but when you didn't adjust, well, I just thought they were better left to wait for you."
I searched his eyes. His normally expressive face was void of the usual stories that it told. There were words he wanted to say, or needed to say. I wasn't sure which.
"Go ahead and open the envelope," he directed, swallowing hard as he watched my hands.
I lifted the flap and pulled out the papers inside, unfolding them so I could identify what they were. I stared at the fancy font at the top of the page, blinking back the tears that were welling in my eyes. I didn't understand the gesture.
"You...you want...to adopt me?"
~~~~~
~~~~~
"Yes," he admitted. His voice was soft and quiet, full of all the understanding a father should have.
"But...why?" I blurted. It wasn't exactly a well-formed question, but the hugeness of the sentiment of the papers in my hands, of Charlie's actions, had me at a loss for words.
"I love you, Bells. Always have. Always will. I was there when your mom found out she was expecting you. I was there when your Dad died...for your first birthday, your first day of kindergarten, the first time you broke a bone. All of the places a dad should have been...where your dad couldn't be after his untimely death."
"But you're Charlie - perpetually single and happy that way. Since when did you want to have kids?"
"Kids were never a part of my future because when I found the right woman I didn't realize it, not until she was already someone else's."
"Mom?"
He nodded, looking down at his lap, not meeting my gaze.
"But I thought..."
"We were kids when we were together, before she met your dad and left Forks. I was too stupid to fight for her, and too proud to stop her from leaving. Over the years, we fell back into step, but your mom never wanted to get involved beyond our friendship. She wanted you to be the only priority in her life. You were always the most important thing in the world to her, and I respected her for that. She raised you right."
~~~~~
~~~~~
"If you notice, I didn't sign the papers. I would only sign them if this was something you wanted."
I was speechless. I wasn't sure I wanted to have the responsibility for the decision of my adoption. For all intents and purposes, I'd been fatherless my whole life. I liked what I had with Charlie, and while I was touched by the notion of his desire to officially be my family, I wasn't entirely sure that it wouldn't fuck up our relationship.
"The thing is, Bells...I've had these papers so long that they sort of aren't really valid any longer. Well, they were never valid, not without signatures, yours and mine, but now..." His voice trailed off in a strange way. I raised my eyes from the papers in my hands to look at him. He seemed to be having a great deal of trouble expressing himself. I could see the anxiety on his face.
"Now, what?"
"That's the other thing, from today."
He pointed to the other envelope in my lap, motioning for me to open it. I ran my finger under the flap and popped it open. It was a single sheet of paper, folded neatly into the envelope. The font was insignificant Courier, not the grandiose script on the adoption papers.
"What is it?" I asked.
"While you were in surgery, I donated some blood."
~~~~~
~~~~~
"Why?"
Why did Charlie need to have blood drawn? Was he sick too?
"Edward suggested it."
Edward? Why on Earth would he suggest Charlie gets blood drawn? It's not as if he could determine Charlie might be sick from reading his mind, unless Charlie already knew, but if he knew, then he wouldn't need a test. I looked back at Charlie with a confused expression on my face.
"Why would Edward suggest that?"
"He had a hunch."
"A hunch?"
Maybe Alice had seen something. Maybe Alice told Edward to get Charlie's blood tested.
"He's noticed things about me, things you and I have in common and he put two and two together."
"Can you put two and two together for me, please? I'm feeling really out of the loop."
"I don't really understand what Edward saw," Charlie admitted. "He told me he noticed ways that you and I are similar. I guess he's observant."
Yeah, you could say that, or you could say that he could read minds and his sister could see the future, which never hurts when you're trying to unearth secrets.
"I guess so, but what does that have to do with this?" I held out the paper to him in confusion.
"You lost a lot of blood," Charlie explained, pushing the toe of his shoe against the floor nervously. "Dr. Cullen explained that replacing your blood volume was critical to your recovery. Edward's mind started working and he got thinking that a match for your blood might help you."
"Okay...so this test was to determine your blood type?" I knew it wasn't. Blood typing was simple. We'd done it at school.
"Not exactly. They typed my blood in the lab first. It's sort of curious, don't you think, that you and I have the same blood type?"
"Not really," I lied. It was a strange coincidence but it wasn't like I had AB negative blood or anything. My blood type wasn't common, but it wasn't exactly the rarest of the rare either.
"Well I was surprised when the lab told me we both had B positive. You'd think I would know that."
"Why would you know my blood type?" I asked, annoyed. The only reason I knew my blood type was because of blood typing in biology class. In fact, I didn't know anybody's blood type - not my mom's or dad's or Edward's or Alice's.
"It's something I should have known," he lamented quietly under his breath.
"That makes no fucking sense whatsoever," I pointed out. "There isn't a single friggen reason that you would know my blood type anymore than I would know yours, Charlie."
"There is a reason - that test is the reason."
~~~~~
~~~~~
"You're not making sense. Why does this test mean that you should know my blood type?"
"That test confirms something I've always wondered about, something that Edward picked up on, something I should have checked on a hell of a lot sooner than today."
"Damn it! Just spit it out!" I yelled. The confusion was getting to me, making feel light headed and fuzzy. "What were you tested for?"
"Paternity."
The word echoed in my head like an explosion. I raised my eyes to stare back at him in shock, still not fully understanding.
"I don't need to petition the courts to adopt you, Bella. You're my daughter."
I blinked hard, frozen in place, and let his words sink in.
"You're...my...father?" I asked hesitantly.
"Beyond a shadow of a doubt."
"But Mom would have..." Charlie interrupted me.
"I don't think your mom knew, Bells. Your mom was always honest, especially with me."
"I knew you and Mom dated back in the day, but I didn't think you were that serious?"
"The feelings were always there. I was just too young and stupid to do right by her. I should have fought for her. After she lost Phil, you were all she had, and you became her only priority. We stayed close, and I never stopped loving her..." There was a deep longing and profound sadness in his voice. It was piercing. "But she never wanted to get involved. I took what she could give, and it was more than I probably deserved after letting her go."
"But that would mean that you and she...that she and my dad, umm, er, Phil...that you guys...at the same time?"
"I know," Charlie chuckled. "I can't speak for Phil or Renee with any certainty, but it seems to me that both of them thought that our relationships overlapped enough to make Phil your father."
"Wow." I let out a big breath of air I hadn't realized I was holding. Apparently today was a good day for startlingly shocking yet wonderful confessions from the men in my life.
"Wow? A complete arsenal of curse words and ‘wow' is the best you can do?" Charlie teased.
"Okay," I offered, smirking. "Holy shit!"
"That's more like it," he encouraged.
"You seriously didn't know?"
"There were times over the years where I wondered," he answered honestly. "But, just like you, I always assumed if it were true, that your mom would have told me. It wasn't until Edward suggested to me that she didn't know the truth that it all sort of fell into place - all of the things I'd wondered about suddenly had answers that made sense."
"Edward has a way of making people see the signs." I snickered under my breath at my own intentional irony.
"You look tired, Bells. Did you want to get some rest?"
I couldn't deny that I felt exhausted, and a nap would probably make me feel more alert. I still felt out of it from the anesthesia, or maybe it was just the shock of the news. I had a dad - a living breathing dad. I didn't really feel like sleeping though.
"You sound just like Edward. I'll rest when I'm dead," I teased.
"Very funny, brat! Speaking of Edward, I should probably go and get him for you?"
"No, stay. He'll find me when he's ready. I want to hear more about you and Mom."
In the middle of Charlie's walk down memory lane, Phoebe stuck her head in and informed me I was being moved out of recovery. Charlie left to sign some paperwork so that I would get a private room. A couple of nurses I didn't recognize came into the room with Phoebe to check my stats and unhook some of my tubes and wires. I tried to convince them that they could take the IV out of my arm but they weren't going for it. I already felt bloated and the needle made my hand itchy and irritated. They insisted I needed fluids. I decided I would hit Phoebe up again once I was in my room.
~~~~~
~~~~~
They began to wheel me down the hallway, my IV pole and various machines in tow. I whispered to Phoebe as nonchalantly as I could.
"Have you seen Edward?"
"He's already waiting in your room," she informed me with a smirk.
I smiled back at her, content with the idea of finally being able to see him. We had so much to talk about.
"He's anxious to see you, too," she added.
I blushed at the words, embarrassed that she could see how anxious I was without being told. Phoebe just gave my hand a comforting squeeze. I wasn't sure how close she and Edward were, but I got the feeling she cared about him a lot. My head was full of questions I wanted to ask him. I hoped that we would get a few minutes alone so I would get an opportunity to ask some of them.
The elevator ride made my stomach feel woozy. By the time we got to my floor, the nausea was so bad that I had to close my eyes and breathe deep breaths to try to abate it.
"How are you feeling?" she wondered, looking over at me with motherly concern on her face.
"Tired," I admitted. "And a little bit sick to my stomach. I don't think the anesthesia has completely worn off yet."
"We'll check your stats as soon as we get you settled."
I nodded in compliance and continued to focus on my breathing. I couldn't seem to get enough oxygen into my lungs. My chest was beginning to feel heavy.
As they wheeled my bed down a long corridor, I could tell we were getting close to my room. I could feel Edward's electricity already tugging at me and it helped to calm my nerves.
He was holding the door open for the nurses as they pushed my bed in, purposely standing off to the side but close enough to brush his fingers along my wrist as I passed by him. I instantly I felt more centred and my heart sped. I could see the relief in his eyes, too, warm and concerned and full of love.
He stood with his back to the wall and out of the way of the nurses as they re-hooked everything up, plugging in my oxygen tube and putting an automatic blood pressure cuff on my arm and checking all the connections. I never took my eyes off Edward. I didn't care what they were doing to me.
Edward stepped to one side, holding the door open again, so the transfer nurses could leave the room. Phoebe stayed, adjusting the flow rate on my IV. She snickered at me when I told her I really didn't need it, and wrote something on my chart.
"Is she always this stubborn, Edward?" Phoebe asked.
"Always. In fact, she's being rather compliant," he answered with a self-satisfied grin.
"My hand is itchy," I complained. "And look how swelled it is. You guys aren't going to be happy until I look like I've been floating in the Port Angeles Harbour for days, bloated and disgusting."
"Definitely stubborn," Phoebe decided.
"You guys are accomplices," I accused, feigning disgust. "It's all a big conspiracy to keep me under your thumbs."
"I'm leaving before I get dragged into this. Bella, you use that call button if you need anything. Dr. Cullen should be around to check on you shortly, and Edward, don't stay too long. Bella needs her rest."
"I promise to make her rest. If she gives me a hard time then I'll ask my father to give her a sedative, but I'm not going anywhere." Edward's voice was confident and decided, his eyes locked intensely on mine, as he addressed Phoebe's advice. I didn't even care that he was making decisions for me. I just wanted him there with me.
"I'm holding you to that," Phoebe announced, her voice disappearing as she walked out the door, finally leaving Edward and I alone. He was at my side in an instant.
~~~~~
~~~~~
"How are you?" he asked, picking up my hand to inspect it. "Your hand does look swelled, but that's not uncommon when you have an IV."
"You have far more useless medical information than any seventeen year old boy should have...but then again, you're not an average seventeen year old boy, are you?"
"No," he agreed remorsefully. My comment upset him enough that he looked away from my gaze, his eyes moving to the floor, and his mouth turned down.
"If you were, I don't think I'd be sitting here now," I told him honestly. "Without your strength to get me out of my truck, I might have bled out waiting for help." My comment seemed to cheer him up a small amount.
"At least I can use what I am for something useful."
"What you are is wonderful...amazing...perfect."
"What I am is a liar - dishonest and deceitful. I don't deserve your praise."
"Yes, you do. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you."
"You wouldn't have been in trouble in the first place if not for me. I think I've done the wrong thing at every turn when it comes to us."
"Edward..."
"If I had been honest with you then you would have never had to endure the shock of what happened in the forest with Rosalie. If I had been honest..."
I interrupted him.
"Edward."
"Then you would know why Balen was in town and why I had to get him out of here. If..."
Again I interrupted him, my voice louder and sterner so I would get his attention.
"Edward!"
"Yes?"
"Can you get Phoebe?"
"What do you need? I can get it for you."
"I'm not feeling very well. I'm not sure if I need just need to rest because I'm pushing too hard?"
He grabbed for the call button and pushed it. "Tell me your symptoms, so I can try to help."
"Earlier, in the elevator, I was feeling nauseated. It went away, but it's back. My chest feels heavy, like I can't get enough oxygen in my lungs."
"Nurse's station," a strange voice announced through the speaker above my bed.
"This is Bella Swan's room. She's having trouble breathing."
"I'll send Phoebe down," the voice told him.
~~~~~
~~~~~
"Just try and relax," he told me, bending to kiss my forehead. He checked the oxygen tap to make sure it was putting out enough oxygen. Then he grabbed my chart and quickly scanned it.
"What are you looking for?" I asked.
"Just trying to make sure I know what you've been given."
"What does that matter?"
"I'm wondering if you're having a reaction to something, or perhaps two medicines that are interfering with one another."
"How would you know?"
"I have a lot more useless medical information than one might think, even someone as smart as you."
Phoebe strode quickly in the door, her eyes flashing to me, and then Edward, and then to the equipment - my heart monitor, the oxygen tap and my IV.
"Edward, go have your father paged," Phoebe instructed.
Edward, who seemed to be having some hesitation saying something to me while he was reading my chart, immediately put the chart down and took off running. I'm not sure what was on his mind or if he sensed some kind of alarm from Phoebe. Phoebe cranked my oxygen tap to full and flattened the bed, grabbing my wrist to measure my pulse.
"Do you have any chest pain?" she asked me.
"Not pain...not really...it's just sort of...heavy. I can't seem to get enough oxygen into my lungs."
"Bella, I need you to relax as much as possible. Close your eyes and think of your favourite thing and concentrate on it. Keep your breathing slow and even."
I did what she told me, picturing waking up in Edward's arms, seeing his handsome face right next to me, remembering how his croaky morning voice told me he loved me and that I'm the most important thing in the world to him.
I heard the rush of footsteps in the hallway - three, maybe four sets. It sounded more like a herd of elephants stampeding across the savannah in fearful flight. I was beginning to feel just like one of those elephants - unsure of what to be afraid of but filled with the urge to run for my life.
As the group rushed into my room, the look on the doctor's face didn't bother me, nor did the faces of the nurses bother me either. It was Edward's face that frightened me when he reappeared from the hallway - gravely serious, soberingly fearful, ominous and unnerving.
They surrounded my bed, barking directions and replies back at one another, like I wasn't lying there vulnerable and helpless, like I wasn't a person. I searched for Phoebe's eyes and found them, caring and concerned yet somehow reassuring as she willed me her confidence that everything would be okay. My heart was racing. There was a cinderblock on my chest making each breath more difficult.
I found Edward's eyes and locked on to them.
~~~~~
A/N: Please review!
Chapter 41: Juxtaposition (Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.1, 19.2, 20, 21, 22.1, 22.2, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33.1, 33.2, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Author:JCAddict/picklewinkle/Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count:4,922
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: Bella is devastated by the loss of her mother and is forced to go live with Charlie, her Mom's best friend when there is no one else to take her in. She gives up on living, too lost in her own anger to let anyone close to her. Enter Edward, the handsome teenage vampire, and the beginning of a complicated love-hate relationship. Neither can deny the connection between them, but can their love survive the fear that rules her and the secret he hides from her? AU, OOC, Rated Mature for language and lemons. Also available at Twilighted.net
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. I'm just manipulating them like imaginary playdoh so I feel like I have some power over them **snorts**
41. Juxtaposition
A/N: Today is my birthday, so for my birthday, you get a present :o) Happy 4th of July everyone!
Thank you to all of the readers and reviewers!
~~~~~
I opened my eyes, feeling fuzzy - heavy-lidded and far away, not fully cognizant. The brightness of the room made my eyes burn. How long had my eyes closed anyway?
I blinked the light back, surveying the room, because I didn't immediately recognize where I was. White walls, white blankets, white sheets, Styrofoam cup with a lid and straw, all in matching colourless white - there was a whole lot of friggen white in this room. Everything was coming into focus slowly.
Half drawn pastel coloured striped curtain, bedside table on wheels, heavy looking brown door with its odd handle - oversized and over-easy-to-use and the furthest thing from charming and welcoming. I knew this place.
There was a beeping, some sort of machine with a regular tone. Annoying was what it was.
I hated this place.
~~~~~
~~~~~
Not counting the emergency room visit on the ski trip, which I was never technically admitted to, I hadn't been in a hospital since Charlie and I took my Mom home to die. I wasn't really anxious to revisit the memory or this place.
Stop the fucking beeping! I'd pay cash money to whoever could shut that stupid machine off.
I slapped clumsily and blindly at the side of the bed, searching for the call button. I couldn't find the cord, even when I stretched my fingers out as far as they'd go. Figures. I was trapped in a place I hated with no way to call for help, or at least no easy way. Somehow I doubted the nurses would want me to scream, although I was seriously considering it if the beeping continued. It seemed to be getting faster and louder, or maybe it just seemed to match my irritation.
I turned my head towards the sound, looking down towards my outstretched hand. There were wires attached to me, coming out of the ugly gown they'd dressed me in. I followed the cord with my eyes, finally seeing the machine that was beeping - a heart monitor. I stretched towards the cord to yank it out and yelped.
Shit, that hurt. Why did that hurt so badly?
I lifted the gown and peered down through the tunnel of fabric. There was a large gauze bandage across my stomach that I distinctly remembered not having when I...well before I...well it sure as hell wasn't there when I was...not here. Where had I been?
I was driving. Yes! I was trying to catch Edward, begging him to pull over when I...fucked up. I was the reason why cities and states all over the US were banning talking on a cell phone while driving. I was like a walking advertisement for the stupidity that is the driving cell phone talker. Never again will I label myself as a good multi-tasker. I wasn't even driving that fast, just driving as fast as my poor truck would go, and all it took was a momentary loss of concentration, one tiny lapse in attention, for me to drift too far towards the edge of the road and drag my tires on the gravel. The truck lurched, and before I knew what was happening, it was too late. I over-corrected and lost control.
At least I wasn't a totally stupid motherfucker. I had my seatbelt on.
~~~~~
~~~~~
Edward had saved me. He pulled me out of the truck - damn near bent the steering column to get my leg out from its pinned position. My poor truck was probably in worse shape than I was. Edward wasn't the tiniest bit gentle with it, although he did do a fairly awesome job knocking out some of the dents using his hands. How you ask? Did I mention my boyfriend was a vampire with superhuman strength and speed? Well, that.
Where was Edward?
Where was Charlie?
And why hadn't someone shut off the damn beeping yet?
~~~~~
~~~~~
Yes, Edward was a vampire.
It wasn't overly difficult to believe in terms of normality. Edward had made it quite clear to me that he was not what society defined as normal - he was special - although exactly how special I had only recently been informed about, like while lying upside down in my truck during my recent rescue.
It explained a lot - the speed, the strength, the pale skin...the whole ‘I don't eat food' thing. There was a lot I still didn't know, but suffice it to say that my questions were numerous, not the least of which was what exactly his diet was, or more precisely, was I his diet? Then again, now that I thought about it, Rosalie had answered that question for me on Friday. Not that I couldn't think of a few people that I might offer up as snacks - bitchy whore-y Jessica Stanley, for instance, or the incessantly annoying Mike Newton.
Where was Edward?
~~~~~
~~~~~
A woman I didn't recognize came through the door, a nurse I assumed. She had coppery coloured hair and was wearing teal coloured scrubs. She smiled at me like she knew me and I felt conspicuously uninformed.
"Hi, Bella. I'm Phoebe."
"Hi, Phoebe."
"Do you remember what happened?" she questioned softly. Her eyes were kind, a vivid green with a blue undertone, like the bottom of the sea.
"I was in a car accident. My boyfriend saved me," I explained. "But after that it gets a bit fuzzy."
"You were brought to the hospital by ambulance, unconscious and with internal bleeding. Dr. Cullen operated on you. You're in recovery now."
"Oh." Not exactly the greatest way to meet Edward's father. Then again, I wasn't at my best when he saw me on Friday night either. "Is my uncle here, Charlie Hayes, or Edward Cullen?"
"I am under strict orders to go get Mr. Hayes when you awaken, if you're ready to see him?" She smiled at me, and I wondered if she was waiting for me to give my permission. "Edward snuck in to see you a few minutes ago, but left before Dr. Young came in to check on you so he wouldn't get in trouble." Her smirk was too big. She definitely knew something I didn't.
"You know Edward?" I asked.
"Pretty well," she admitted. "He used to spend a fair bit of time hanging around the hospital with us, and his father, of course...at least until you came around."
And there it was. She didn't just know Edward, she knew who I was to Edward.
"Is Edward still here?"
"I'll see if I can locate him after I send Mr. Hayes in," she explained. "But I have a feeling that Edward is going to come find you all on his own." She smiled knowingly at me again. Her grin widened when I blushed in response. I felt a bit like a sitting duck, but at least she was kind. I was on Edward's turf after all. Phoebe excused herself and went to look for Charlie.
~~~~~
~~~~~
When I heard the door creak, my eyes flew to it and I watched Charlie's head pop through the opening. He looked tired. His face was unshaven and his hair unkempt. He kept his hair so short I don't know how on Earth he managed to get it so messed up; he must have run his hand through it a thousand times for it to look so out of place. The worry on his face made the faint lines around his eyes stand out, aging him by ten years. I could see the tears welling in the corners.
"I'm fine," I croaked emotionally. Charlie's sensitive side was generally tucked safely away and it was difficult for me to see him so outwardly upset.
"Bells..." His voice was thick and quiet.
"I'm fine," I repeated, holding out my hands to him. I didn't know about him but I sure as hell needed a hug.
He rushed to the bed and then froze awkwardly, unsure of how to hug me around the wires and tubes.
"Get over here, goofball," I mumbled, pulling him towards me. His arms were careful and hesitant around me even though I hugged him with all my strength. "See?" I whispered. "As good as new."
"I swear to God, if you ever do that again to me, Isabella Marie Swan, I will fucking kill you myself."
He laughed nervously, trying to mask his anxiety and I laughed along with him, too. There really was no other response but laughter.
"I'm not planning to flip my truck again any time soon. I'll wait for that sports car I'll buy once you leave me your millions," I snarked.
"Yes, please wait until after I'm dead. I don't think my heart can take this again. First you go into shock, then you lock yourself in the bathroom for hours, come out running after Edward and land up in a wreck?"
"I'm a regular live by the seat of my pants sort of girl," I teased. "Who knew you couldn't do a crossword, rollerblade, put on mascara and drive at the same time?"
Charlie snickered quietly at my absurdity and then sat down beside me on the bed.
"I have something I need to speak to you about," he proclaimed, his voice gravely serious. The sudden shift in his tone caught me off-guard. He pulled two envelopes from his jacket pocket and laid them on my lap.
"What's this?" I wondered.
"Two things, actually. One, from today, and one from, well, from a few months ago."
"What is it Charlie?" I asked curiously, my forehead creased in curious confusion.
~~~~~
~~~~~
"I know how hard your mom's death hit you, Bells."
"That's not exactly a secret, Charlie." I chuckled darkly. Everyone who knew me knew how hard it hit me.
"Well, I wanted to give you time to adjust to Forks before I talked to you about this."
"This?" I questioned, wishing he'd just get on with it.
He handed me the thicker of the two envelopes.
"I had these drawn up a couple of months ago, but when you didn't adjust, well, I just thought they were better left to wait for you."
I searched his eyes. His normally expressive face was void of the usual stories that it told. There were words he wanted to say, or needed to say. I wasn't sure which.
"Go ahead and open the envelope," he directed, swallowing hard as he watched my hands.
I lifted the flap and pulled out the papers inside, unfolding them so I could identify what they were. I stared at the fancy font at the top of the page, blinking back the tears that were welling in my eyes. I didn't understand the gesture.
"You...you want...to adopt me?"
~~~~~
~~~~~
"Yes," he admitted. His voice was soft and quiet, full of all the understanding a father should have.
"But...why?" I blurted. It wasn't exactly a well-formed question, but the hugeness of the sentiment of the papers in my hands, of Charlie's actions, had me at a loss for words.
"I love you, Bells. Always have. Always will. I was there when your mom found out she was expecting you. I was there when your Dad died...for your first birthday, your first day of kindergarten, the first time you broke a bone. All of the places a dad should have been...where your dad couldn't be after his untimely death."
"But you're Charlie - perpetually single and happy that way. Since when did you want to have kids?"
"Kids were never a part of my future because when I found the right woman I didn't realize it, not until she was already someone else's."
"Mom?"
He nodded, looking down at his lap, not meeting my gaze.
"But I thought..."
"We were kids when we were together, before she met your dad and left Forks. I was too stupid to fight for her, and too proud to stop her from leaving. Over the years, we fell back into step, but your mom never wanted to get involved beyond our friendship. She wanted you to be the only priority in her life. You were always the most important thing in the world to her, and I respected her for that. She raised you right."
~~~~~
~~~~~
"If you notice, I didn't sign the papers. I would only sign them if this was something you wanted."
I was speechless. I wasn't sure I wanted to have the responsibility for the decision of my adoption. For all intents and purposes, I'd been fatherless my whole life. I liked what I had with Charlie, and while I was touched by the notion of his desire to officially be my family, I wasn't entirely sure that it wouldn't fuck up our relationship.
"The thing is, Bells...I've had these papers so long that they sort of aren't really valid any longer. Well, they were never valid, not without signatures, yours and mine, but now..." His voice trailed off in a strange way. I raised my eyes from the papers in my hands to look at him. He seemed to be having a great deal of trouble expressing himself. I could see the anxiety on his face.
"Now, what?"
"That's the other thing, from today."
He pointed to the other envelope in my lap, motioning for me to open it. I ran my finger under the flap and popped it open. It was a single sheet of paper, folded neatly into the envelope. The font was insignificant Courier, not the grandiose script on the adoption papers.
"What is it?" I asked.
"While you were in surgery, I donated some blood."
~~~~~
~~~~~
"Why?"
Why did Charlie need to have blood drawn? Was he sick too?
"Edward suggested it."
Edward? Why on Earth would he suggest Charlie gets blood drawn? It's not as if he could determine Charlie might be sick from reading his mind, unless Charlie already knew, but if he knew, then he wouldn't need a test. I looked back at Charlie with a confused expression on my face.
"Why would Edward suggest that?"
"He had a hunch."
"A hunch?"
Maybe Alice had seen something. Maybe Alice told Edward to get Charlie's blood tested.
"He's noticed things about me, things you and I have in common and he put two and two together."
"Can you put two and two together for me, please? I'm feeling really out of the loop."
"I don't really understand what Edward saw," Charlie admitted. "He told me he noticed ways that you and I are similar. I guess he's observant."
Yeah, you could say that, or you could say that he could read minds and his sister could see the future, which never hurts when you're trying to unearth secrets.
"I guess so, but what does that have to do with this?" I held out the paper to him in confusion.
"You lost a lot of blood," Charlie explained, pushing the toe of his shoe against the floor nervously. "Dr. Cullen explained that replacing your blood volume was critical to your recovery. Edward's mind started working and he got thinking that a match for your blood might help you."
"Okay...so this test was to determine your blood type?" I knew it wasn't. Blood typing was simple. We'd done it at school.
"Not exactly. They typed my blood in the lab first. It's sort of curious, don't you think, that you and I have the same blood type?"
"Not really," I lied. It was a strange coincidence but it wasn't like I had AB negative blood or anything. My blood type wasn't common, but it wasn't exactly the rarest of the rare either.
"Well I was surprised when the lab told me we both had B positive. You'd think I would know that."
"Why would you know my blood type?" I asked, annoyed. The only reason I knew my blood type was because of blood typing in biology class. In fact, I didn't know anybody's blood type - not my mom's or dad's or Edward's or Alice's.
"It's something I should have known," he lamented quietly under his breath.
"That makes no fucking sense whatsoever," I pointed out. "There isn't a single friggen reason that you would know my blood type anymore than I would know yours, Charlie."
"There is a reason - that test is the reason."
~~~~~
~~~~~
"You're not making sense. Why does this test mean that you should know my blood type?"
"That test confirms something I've always wondered about, something that Edward picked up on, something I should have checked on a hell of a lot sooner than today."
"Damn it! Just spit it out!" I yelled. The confusion was getting to me, making feel light headed and fuzzy. "What were you tested for?"
"Paternity."
The word echoed in my head like an explosion. I raised my eyes to stare back at him in shock, still not fully understanding.
"I don't need to petition the courts to adopt you, Bella. You're my daughter."
I blinked hard, frozen in place, and let his words sink in.
"You're...my...father?" I asked hesitantly.
"Beyond a shadow of a doubt."
"But Mom would have..." Charlie interrupted me.
"I don't think your mom knew, Bells. Your mom was always honest, especially with me."
"I knew you and Mom dated back in the day, but I didn't think you were that serious?"
"The feelings were always there. I was just too young and stupid to do right by her. I should have fought for her. After she lost Phil, you were all she had, and you became her only priority. We stayed close, and I never stopped loving her..." There was a deep longing and profound sadness in his voice. It was piercing. "But she never wanted to get involved. I took what she could give, and it was more than I probably deserved after letting her go."
"But that would mean that you and she...that she and my dad, umm, er, Phil...that you guys...at the same time?"
"I know," Charlie chuckled. "I can't speak for Phil or Renee with any certainty, but it seems to me that both of them thought that our relationships overlapped enough to make Phil your father."
"Wow." I let out a big breath of air I hadn't realized I was holding. Apparently today was a good day for startlingly shocking yet wonderful confessions from the men in my life.
"Wow? A complete arsenal of curse words and ‘wow' is the best you can do?" Charlie teased.
"Okay," I offered, smirking. "Holy shit!"
"That's more like it," he encouraged.
"You seriously didn't know?"
"There were times over the years where I wondered," he answered honestly. "But, just like you, I always assumed if it were true, that your mom would have told me. It wasn't until Edward suggested to me that she didn't know the truth that it all sort of fell into place - all of the things I'd wondered about suddenly had answers that made sense."
"Edward has a way of making people see the signs." I snickered under my breath at my own intentional irony.
"You look tired, Bells. Did you want to get some rest?"
I couldn't deny that I felt exhausted, and a nap would probably make me feel more alert. I still felt out of it from the anesthesia, or maybe it was just the shock of the news. I had a dad - a living breathing dad. I didn't really feel like sleeping though.
"You sound just like Edward. I'll rest when I'm dead," I teased.
"Very funny, brat! Speaking of Edward, I should probably go and get him for you?"
"No, stay. He'll find me when he's ready. I want to hear more about you and Mom."
In the middle of Charlie's walk down memory lane, Phoebe stuck her head in and informed me I was being moved out of recovery. Charlie left to sign some paperwork so that I would get a private room. A couple of nurses I didn't recognize came into the room with Phoebe to check my stats and unhook some of my tubes and wires. I tried to convince them that they could take the IV out of my arm but they weren't going for it. I already felt bloated and the needle made my hand itchy and irritated. They insisted I needed fluids. I decided I would hit Phoebe up again once I was in my room.
~~~~~
~~~~~
They began to wheel me down the hallway, my IV pole and various machines in tow. I whispered to Phoebe as nonchalantly as I could.
"Have you seen Edward?"
"He's already waiting in your room," she informed me with a smirk.
I smiled back at her, content with the idea of finally being able to see him. We had so much to talk about.
"He's anxious to see you, too," she added.
I blushed at the words, embarrassed that she could see how anxious I was without being told. Phoebe just gave my hand a comforting squeeze. I wasn't sure how close she and Edward were, but I got the feeling she cared about him a lot. My head was full of questions I wanted to ask him. I hoped that we would get a few minutes alone so I would get an opportunity to ask some of them.
The elevator ride made my stomach feel woozy. By the time we got to my floor, the nausea was so bad that I had to close my eyes and breathe deep breaths to try to abate it.
"How are you feeling?" she wondered, looking over at me with motherly concern on her face.
"Tired," I admitted. "And a little bit sick to my stomach. I don't think the anesthesia has completely worn off yet."
"We'll check your stats as soon as we get you settled."
I nodded in compliance and continued to focus on my breathing. I couldn't seem to get enough oxygen into my lungs. My chest was beginning to feel heavy.
As they wheeled my bed down a long corridor, I could tell we were getting close to my room. I could feel Edward's electricity already tugging at me and it helped to calm my nerves.
He was holding the door open for the nurses as they pushed my bed in, purposely standing off to the side but close enough to brush his fingers along my wrist as I passed by him. I instantly I felt more centred and my heart sped. I could see the relief in his eyes, too, warm and concerned and full of love.
He stood with his back to the wall and out of the way of the nurses as they re-hooked everything up, plugging in my oxygen tube and putting an automatic blood pressure cuff on my arm and checking all the connections. I never took my eyes off Edward. I didn't care what they were doing to me.
Edward stepped to one side, holding the door open again, so the transfer nurses could leave the room. Phoebe stayed, adjusting the flow rate on my IV. She snickered at me when I told her I really didn't need it, and wrote something on my chart.
"Is she always this stubborn, Edward?" Phoebe asked.
"Always. In fact, she's being rather compliant," he answered with a self-satisfied grin.
"My hand is itchy," I complained. "And look how swelled it is. You guys aren't going to be happy until I look like I've been floating in the Port Angeles Harbour for days, bloated and disgusting."
"Definitely stubborn," Phoebe decided.
"You guys are accomplices," I accused, feigning disgust. "It's all a big conspiracy to keep me under your thumbs."
"I'm leaving before I get dragged into this. Bella, you use that call button if you need anything. Dr. Cullen should be around to check on you shortly, and Edward, don't stay too long. Bella needs her rest."
"I promise to make her rest. If she gives me a hard time then I'll ask my father to give her a sedative, but I'm not going anywhere." Edward's voice was confident and decided, his eyes locked intensely on mine, as he addressed Phoebe's advice. I didn't even care that he was making decisions for me. I just wanted him there with me.
"I'm holding you to that," Phoebe announced, her voice disappearing as she walked out the door, finally leaving Edward and I alone. He was at my side in an instant.
~~~~~
~~~~~
"How are you?" he asked, picking up my hand to inspect it. "Your hand does look swelled, but that's not uncommon when you have an IV."
"You have far more useless medical information than any seventeen year old boy should have...but then again, you're not an average seventeen year old boy, are you?"
"No," he agreed remorsefully. My comment upset him enough that he looked away from my gaze, his eyes moving to the floor, and his mouth turned down.
"If you were, I don't think I'd be sitting here now," I told him honestly. "Without your strength to get me out of my truck, I might have bled out waiting for help." My comment seemed to cheer him up a small amount.
"At least I can use what I am for something useful."
"What you are is wonderful...amazing...perfect."
"What I am is a liar - dishonest and deceitful. I don't deserve your praise."
"Yes, you do. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you."
"You wouldn't have been in trouble in the first place if not for me. I think I've done the wrong thing at every turn when it comes to us."
"Edward..."
"If I had been honest with you then you would have never had to endure the shock of what happened in the forest with Rosalie. If I had been honest..."
I interrupted him.
"Edward."
"Then you would know why Balen was in town and why I had to get him out of here. If..."
Again I interrupted him, my voice louder and sterner so I would get his attention.
"Edward!"
"Yes?"
"Can you get Phoebe?"
"What do you need? I can get it for you."
"I'm not feeling very well. I'm not sure if I need just need to rest because I'm pushing too hard?"
He grabbed for the call button and pushed it. "Tell me your symptoms, so I can try to help."
"Earlier, in the elevator, I was feeling nauseated. It went away, but it's back. My chest feels heavy, like I can't get enough oxygen in my lungs."
"Nurse's station," a strange voice announced through the speaker above my bed.
"This is Bella Swan's room. She's having trouble breathing."
"I'll send Phoebe down," the voice told him.
~~~~~
~~~~~
"Just try and relax," he told me, bending to kiss my forehead. He checked the oxygen tap to make sure it was putting out enough oxygen. Then he grabbed my chart and quickly scanned it.
"What are you looking for?" I asked.
"Just trying to make sure I know what you've been given."
"What does that matter?"
"I'm wondering if you're having a reaction to something, or perhaps two medicines that are interfering with one another."
"How would you know?"
"I have a lot more useless medical information than one might think, even someone as smart as you."
Phoebe strode quickly in the door, her eyes flashing to me, and then Edward, and then to the equipment - my heart monitor, the oxygen tap and my IV.
"Edward, go have your father paged," Phoebe instructed.
Edward, who seemed to be having some hesitation saying something to me while he was reading my chart, immediately put the chart down and took off running. I'm not sure what was on his mind or if he sensed some kind of alarm from Phoebe. Phoebe cranked my oxygen tap to full and flattened the bed, grabbing my wrist to measure my pulse.
"Do you have any chest pain?" she asked me.
"Not pain...not really...it's just sort of...heavy. I can't seem to get enough oxygen into my lungs."
"Bella, I need you to relax as much as possible. Close your eyes and think of your favourite thing and concentrate on it. Keep your breathing slow and even."
I did what she told me, picturing waking up in Edward's arms, seeing his handsome face right next to me, remembering how his croaky morning voice told me he loved me and that I'm the most important thing in the world to him.
I heard the rush of footsteps in the hallway - three, maybe four sets. It sounded more like a herd of elephants stampeding across the savannah in fearful flight. I was beginning to feel just like one of those elephants - unsure of what to be afraid of but filled with the urge to run for my life.
As the group rushed into my room, the look on the doctor's face didn't bother me, nor did the faces of the nurses bother me either. It was Edward's face that frightened me when he reappeared from the hallway - gravely serious, soberingly fearful, ominous and unnerving.
They surrounded my bed, barking directions and replies back at one another, like I wasn't lying there vulnerable and helpless, like I wasn't a person. I searched for Phoebe's eyes and found them, caring and concerned yet somehow reassuring as she willed me her confidence that everything would be okay. My heart was racing. There was a cinderblock on my chest making each breath more difficult.
I found Edward's eyes and locked on to them.
~~~~~
A/N: Please review!